I am not much of a party-goer, but I find myself fascinated by the party experience. On one of my latest ventures into the party world, I found myself partaking in an unfair game of beer pong at a friend’s house. The game was unfair because my partner drank for me, which would’ve given our team an advantage by having a sober player, but a gross disadvantage by having a doubly intoxicated player, so things were accepted as even. Before exploring the concept of beer pong, one must first have a grasp of the rules of the game. There are varying regulations from region to region, so I will share with you the few rules I’ve compiled in watching several games. 

Rules to beer pong are quite simple. What you would need to play a game is fourteen cups, two ping pong balls, and a “table.” Six cups are set up in a triangular shape on opposite ends of the “table”—three cups make up the base, two in front, and one at the forefront (one more cup, filled with water, sits away from the six on each side). These six cups become the player's friend faster than you can imagine. For one set of players, these cups are a haven, a weak fortress that needs their protection, but if the game goes wrong, it could ultimately lead to their immediate downfall. To the other players (who have their own set of cups) the opponent’s cups are an impenetrable wall that must be broken down with careful aim. Simply put, players must throw ping pong balls into their opponent’s cups of beer—first team to clear their opponent’s cups wins. The task, so simple in theory, is not as easy as one might think. 

The beer pong "table" is the most interesting table you will see in your lifetime, comparable only to the glass table with the dolphin jumping through it in wondrousness. This "table" is made up of two smaller tables, or sturdy boxes, or saw horses, or any other type of support beam, and a long piece of rectangular wood that lies across to connect them. There are two basic styles of beer pong "tables." One consists of straight ahead ply wood—this is your ritzy beer pong “table,” believe it or not. Those who play with regular ply wood show one of two things that many would respect in a party situation: tradition or money. Traditional ply wood beer pong "tables" are usually signed by those that came before. This is a true sign of a legitimate beer pong dwelling (second only to an actual ping-pong table) and you might expect a set of clear-cut rules or possibly a referee. If you're looking upon a fresh piece of ply wood, without chips or chunks missing, then you know for sure that your host has gone through the trouble and expense of taking a trip to Home Depot to show you, the guest, that they take this game seriously. The second style of beer pong table is the broken wood or dis-hinged door. The broken wood could indicate that your host stole the wood from a possible place where it served a purpose or picked it out of the trash some where. The dis-hinged door would indicate that beer pong was a spur-of-the-moment decision. This second type of table could be taken as endearing, if you know that your host is trying the best with what is at their disposal, or that they're half-assedly committed to your beer pong pleasure.

Sanitation is a major downfall to the game of beer pong. I was fortunate enough to have a player who was concerned about sanitation enough to put out two steaming cups of water to rinse ping pong balls off in after they’re thrown. This is a big help because water is the only thing between beer you could be drinking and dirt that was wherever your ball rolled. Ping pong balls are accepted as very bouncy, so when a miss occurs the balls usually bounce onto the floor and roll around in any number of dirty spots. For most this isn’t a problem, but those with sanitary concerns should realize that a hot cup of water is about the best you can do to protect yourself from the germ-elements that may attach to your ball. If there’s one problem with the intake of alcohol in game form, this may be it.

If your team is doing exceptionally well then you may see the other team turn towards distractions as a way to keep you down. Distractions are a sure sign of the desperate loser, but if the shoe fits, many beer pong-ers will gladly wear it. Distractions could also add to the fun of a beer pong game. The most shameful distractions consist of waving a hand behind the cups to draw the throwers eye away from the target. This is effective, but highly unoriginal. Better techniques include the pivotal “release-cough” in which the “Cough-loser-cough,” is shouted right before the thrower releases the ball. This isn’t very original either, but the substitutes for ‘loser’ can make for a more exciting game. Angry drunks may take to shouting bigoted comments that will only bring the atmosphere down. If this happens all is not lost, for the partygoers will probably find which team to cheer for faster if an angry drunk shows his or her face early on. 

One might argue that no one loses in a game of beer pong (unless one cannot hold their alcohol). The official winner gets the feeling of pleasure in knowing that they are a beer pong winner, something that is a valuable title at any party and worth high fives galore. The official loser of the game gets to drink six cups of beer, so in their uninhibited state, they don't mind that they lost—in fact they could be praising the loss with some more beers. The catch to most beer pong games is that someone always wants to challenge the winner, which leads to what the professionals call a beer pong tournament. This isn't run like a usual tournament, but it's close enough to satisfy the participants. One person starts a game against another, when they win, they take on another, and another, and another. If said person loses, the winner is obligated to take on the previous losers, but not necessarily required. Obligation is out of respect and requirements make for fairness. If the person beats all those who come to challenge him or her, then they are truly a beer pong champion, but if they have several sequential victories and few challengers remain standing, then they are graced with beer pong champion status too, because most of the fallen could care less.

Games always start in good spirits with one team jovially joking with another. "Ooh, ya got one," is stated as easily as a street side salutation, but as time progresses and alcohol consumes the player (instead of the other way around) profanity could become abundant and tempers could flare. If this happens be sure to remind everyone that this is just a game—a simple game of beer pong, it doesn't matter who wins or loses. That logic could work on a rational being, but assuming your players have been drinking before the game started, as in my story's case, this will not work. Players will ignore your proclamations of "Just a game," or "You won't remember who won anyway,” in favor of “We’re gonna kick your ass!” or “You’re goin’ down.”

Your general game of beer pong consists of a fierce fifteen minutes of grueling aim, chance bounces, and the occasional sucker-punch-like distraction. Time is a dramatic factor to any beer pong game. From the ones that I've witnessed, it is a great and competitive fifteen first minutes. Spirits soar and balls fly back and forth with vigor, but soon things die down. We will mark the fifteenth minute as the point in time where one cup remains on each team's side. This lone cup sits on the table and taunts on-lookers in both directions. Like the hand holding the spider over the flame, each cup holds the fate of its respective teams. One shot is all it takes to seal the victory, but this shot doesn't come so fast. One ball is thrown, miss. The other is thrown, miss. Next team throws both balls, miss. This pattern continues for a good ten to fifteen additional minutes before anyone even comes close to hitting the cup. Even when players do come close, victory is still only attainable through the sinking of a ball in a cup, so close doesn't cut it. In the game I participated in, I found the other players starting to come down a bit before they realized something had to be done. Armed with the stealthiest of the players, my teammate snuck over to the opposing cup and placed the ball in while the other team was distracted. 

Thirty-second internet research will tell you that beer pong was allegedly conceived in the 1950’s, arguably by beer-drinking ping-pong players who left their beers on the table. This is a simple start to a trend that has survived fifty years now, but why play? Beer pong serves as an excuse to drink alcohol in a ‘fun’ fashion. As I once asked a friend, "If you drink without games, does that make you an alcoholic?" While the answer wasn't as clear cut as I made it sound, it was accepted as a positive principle for any drinking gamers.

In essence, people have developed an entire line of games that help them get drunk. The reason isn’t there anymore for most. Legendary writers, performers, artists, etc., have turned to the bottle for comfort in times of desperation, but it seems that people have become too lazy to involve themselves in situations that result in desperation. After a long week of studying Elementary Education, some college students just need to take the edge off, but there really is no edge, so there needs to be another reason. Games have become a reason for some, but it’s surely a sloppy one.

The game of beer pong is like many drinking games, rules are conditional. I cannot even delve into the amount of drinking games that five people can make out of a deck of cards. At one party I sat in awe as three people argued with two others about the rules of one game. The general idea of the game is you put a card down, depending on the number you give out that many “drinks.” I surely brought the game down with my questions, “What is a ‘drink’ is it a second? A sip? What?” After hearing ample deliberation about the value of an ace, I simply said, “Just drink, you’re gonna do it whether you’re told to or not—just drink.” I was told, “It’s the rules.”

But experience will revealed to anyone that as people drink more and more, rules become less and less important. So why have rules that change minute to minute in for games that vary region to region when all you really want to do is drink? It all seems so senseless to a sober individual. Games do bring people together, like bridge, shuffleboard, poker, or Monopoly, but drinking isn’t required at these events. From an outside standpoint it seems that games without drinking are hokey, and drinking without games is sad. Thus, we have drinking games. It seems that modern logical deductions like this will puzzle philosophers for ages.