View the original article that contained this list and inspired the responses found here (there's a picture there).

1. Compliments. The quickest path to a man's heart is through his ego. "The other day, my lady told me she thought I was sexy. That was so cool! I'd never heard that before and it blew me away!" says a schoolteacher from Chicago. A political consultant from Washington, D.C. agrees: "The most romantic thing in the world is for you to be in awe of your man's skills -- whether it's his ability to make people laugh, perform at sports, fix things, or retrieve and display esoteric knowledge. Let him wow you," he says.

I hate these things. You just perpetuate more stereotypes about sexes with these lists. And you know why they make lists right? Because monkeys can understand lists. God forbid the writer takes the time to WRITE! Lists are sidebars, not articles. Compliments work for men, huh? Ironically they work for your boss, your parents, women, kids, even dogs. Especially dogs! Mine really responds to, "You're such a good girl." Yes-- she's not male. Who knew?!

2. Dark chocolate. "Milk chocolate is for kids. Dark chocolate is for lovers," says Weinstein, who explains that dark chocolate has a higher percentage of cocoa, which means it has more phenylethylamine, a chemical that mimics the feeling you have when you're in love.

I love dark chocolate. No one ever remembers that, so log it away for future gifts. And, not everyone likes dark chocolate. Some people just want milk chocolate because it's not as daring. Oh-- and as for the chemical explanation: We're all very chemically different too. I hope you know that. Therefore, I think this is a BS method. If you think about it, they're just likening dark chocolate to a date rape drug-- except instead of rape you just have falsified feelings of affection.

3. Hard-to-find gifts. Is his college sweatshirt so faded you can't decipher the name of his alma mater? Is he mourning the loss of a rare comic book that his mother threw away when he left home? Does he collect antique hood ornaments? Webb says that a gift that requires some effort is sure to be a big hit with your guy. "Men and women tend to express love differently. Women are usually the more nurturing types and tend to think of romance in terms of 'soft touches' while men express love in more practical ways," says Webb.

So far, nothing is standing out for specific to men. If you travel to Japan to pick up a necklace for a woman, I'm sure she'll appreciate it too. Look-- you get special gifts, anyone's going to appreciate it.

4. You, in his clothes. "Come to the dinner table wearing nothing but his button-down dress shirt. Now that's romance!" says an artist from Boston.

Okay maybe this is the first to be unique to men. If a dude wears lady's clothes, I doubt it will go over well. Then again, some girls like funny guys-- or those who may be that in touch with their feminine side. But wait-- aren't we just proving my first point? That we're all different and everyone does and likes things differently? Oh-- and what about those relationships where you have the skinny guy with the fat lady? Then what? I guess it would turn him on, but I just wanted to give you the full visual.

5. Funny movies. "A lot of people say that shared values or goals are what make a relationship work," says Weinstein. "But to me it's a shared sense of humor. If you like the Marx Brothers and your date doesn't, then it's simply not going to work," he says. "When you can find someone to laugh with, then you know you're really connecting."

Well, finally-- it's a well-known fact that men are the only people who like funny movies. Throughout history, women only like action, drama, horror, and documentaries. It's about time someone nailed this one home. And ONLY men like people who they can laugh with. Women hate a funny man-- all of them-- because they're all the same. Is that sexist? I never know.

6. A great memory. A picture really does paint a thousand words -- especially if it's of the two of you tanned and glowing at a beachside resort. "I went to my girlfriend's office and saw that she had a picture of us on vacation in Cancun," says a Seattle construction worker. "Little things like that just make you feel great."

First, a picture can't paint anything, asshole. Secondly, the fact that she works in an office and you work on a construction sight is probably enough to make you appreciate her. And what jerk wouldn't have a picture out? Maybe she was doing it because seeing you makes her feel special. That negates your whole presence in this article, doesn't it?

7. An old-fashioned night on the town. A publisher in New York says that he isn't a huge romantic, but he admits that the rotating dance floor at the Rainbow Room makes him pretty gooey. "You're surrounded by well-dressed couples of all ages who know how to dance. This gives the effect of being in a romantic movie about old New York. Plus, it's a little disorienting with all that spinning around, which puts you in a dreamlike state," he says.

This publisher guy is just messed up. Why not watch and old movie and spin around in circles in your apartment? It takes a whole lot for you, huh? What the hell? One more time, in case you didn't hear it before-- what the shit?! Women like a night out on the town too. One thing this article fails to mention is sacrifice. Do you know how romantic sacrifice is? Like when you do something that you hate for someone else? Like bombing an abortion clinic or robbing a bank. That's the stuff of dreams!

8. Tall buildings. Because in general guys just like big stuff. But also because taking in such a huge view can put life into perspective. "The tremendous view of the city with all its lights is not only awesome in its own right, but accentuates the essential smallness of the individual person," says a Chicago attorney. "Thus humbled, it is most comforting to realize, at that instant, you're not alone in the world."

Are you serious? Tall buildings. Wow. Why don't I get paid for this publication? I could do a really good article on what men want. Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but there are well-off men who have no real daily gripes. A Chicago attorney. Right. What about an insurance salesman from Kentucky? You think tall buildings do it for him? Nope. Country music and beer.

9. Surprise intimacy. Whether it's an unexpected kiss or an afternoon jaunt to the bedroom, men swoon when women say "Come hither." "We like surprises -- like when you initiate sex at odd times, or rent a room in the middle of the day. We also like beaches, bed-and-breakfasts, and when you squeeze our thigh at a snooty dinner party. Oh, and baths. We like bubble baths," says a writer from New York.

Jaunt means screw, by the way. And this is pretty much the only thing that the stereotypical man wants. It's not fair that they even included this in the article since about 80% of the women who opened this article think this is all men want anyway. "Rent a room in the middle of the day," what the hell? I love it when you do the work that the hookers should do.

10. P.S. I love you. They may not always admit it, but many men report that they love getting affectionate little notes. "I particularly like finding a note in my suitcase when unpacking on a business trip," says an executive from Dallas. Weinstein agrees. He loves getting a surprise note or email with an affectionate message, and says that a "p.s." increases the charm. "There's something about the p.s. that people respond to. It reminds us of when we were at camp and our mom wrote. P.S. I love you, or the note our high-school sweetheart stuffed into our locker."

This is nice, I gotta say. It was a great ending, until the guy likened his lover to his mother, and really left me confused. Regardless, you all know I'm a firm believer in writing, and I have to agree that when you write something, it always makes it more concrete. It's not like saying things, because no one ever writes "I love you too" without meaning it, but how many dudes have done that?