Pete Pilots: Pete Phillips Invades Your TV Faves
By: Pete Phillips
Special Guest Tagline: David Williams
Well Fox (hasn't) signed a multi-year, multi-series development contract with me. This means that you will (not) see much more Pete Phillips! You know FOX, the media blitz is all over the place! I'll be in your paper, on your banner-ads, on your TV, and probably in the movie commercials too. Well, here are some ideas I'm kicking around. Have an idea? Click over to the contact page and send one in. Until then, look for these (not) coming soon:
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Small Peter :
I'm a half-robot child and argyle sweater-wearing father
He's a small Peter, with a computer under his lid.
He's a small Peter, a kid unlike other kids.
He's a Peter, and I grant you
He'll enchant you at his size.
He's a small Peter, and he'll shoot you with laser eyes.
He's fantastic, made of plastic.
Microchips here and there.
He's a small Peter, brings love and laughter everywhere. |
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Petelock:
Slam the gavel and pass me my guitar-- this is Southern law!
Everybody loves that redneck Southern stuff these days, so I'll be aged trial lawyer Ben Petelock. Along with my trusty detective, pretty assistant, and any number of women who seem to be in my life for some reason, we'll solve big cases and free the innocently accused. And yes, we're re-animating Don Knotts' corpse so he can be the neighbor. |
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The Adventures of Pete and Pete(r):
And we're bringin' back Michelle Trachtenberg, baby!
Hey smilin strange, you're lookin happily deranged
[unknown line that some pop/rock band will keep secret to get attention]
And have you picked your target yet, Hey Peteys ai yai yai yai...
Dont you talk back, Hey Petey
Hear what they say, humor from each by the end of the day
They was only funnin', but guiltily, I think
You had it comin'! Right Peteys?
Don't ya talk back, to Peteys. |
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Peteington Steele:
Before he wasn't Bond, he wasn't... Peteington Steele
Spoken by an unnamed female partner:
"Try this for a deep dark secret: The great detective Peteington Steele... He doesn't exist. I invented him. I'd always loved excitement, So I studied and apprenticed, and put my name on an office. But absolutely no one knocked on my door. A female private investigator seemed so... feminine. So I invented a superior. A decidedly masculine superior. Suddenly there were cases around the block. It was working like a charm. Until the day he walked in, with his hazel eyes and open-book past. And before I knew it, he assumed Peteington Steele's identity. Now I do the work, and he takes the bows. It's a dangerous way to live, But as long as people buy it, I can get the job done. We never mix business with pleasure. Well...almost never. I don't even know his real name!" |
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Saved by the Pete:
Wanted: A Zach Morris cell phone
When you wake up to a warning
That it's just another morning
You don't think you'll ever have a good time
By the time you got your books you give Pete's ass a look
You're at the corner just in time to see a silver line
It's alright cause you're saved by the Pete
If the teacher pops a quiz, well you know that he's a whiz
Cause ol' Pete ate all your homework last night
Ridin low in his seat she won't even see Pete
If he can puke it by tomorrw it'll be alright!
It's alright 'cause you're saved by the Pete.
It's alright 'cause you're saved by the Pete.
It's alright 'cause you're saved by the Pete. |
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Hangin' with Mr.
Phillips:
Well, I am as famous as Mark Curry, right?
A lukewarm comedian at best, joined by two attractive women
and two cute kids. Could life get better? Yes-- I loooove
(Nerf) basketball!
I won't lie to you, this is just a vehicle that will allow
me to meet Holly Robinson-Peete. We will write a theme and
she will sing it-- it'll be glorious. Oh, and I hope to meet
Raven Seymone and get her to hook me up with Anneliese van
der Pol. This will probably last the longest of all shows
because it won't be intellectually challanging at all. |
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My Two Petes:
Two Words: Dick Butkus |
| You can count on Pete
No matter what you do
You can count on Pete
No matter where you go
He's standing by your side
He'll be right behind
No one loves you more than Pete does
Put your hand in mine (or his) |
You can see a part of Pete in you
A little something that comes shining through
I hear it in your laughter
I feel it when you cry
Pete will be right there for you
Until the day he dies |
PS-- I have so many plans for this show. Staci
Keanan is welcome back, and Giovanni
Ribisi seems to always have time for one more project.
They'll be newlyweds next door (ties back to the original)
that think the two Pete's are gay. They love gay humor
these days, right? Most importantly, if Butkus is busy,
OJ Simpson is in. |
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Petelander: The Series:
Who wants to live forever?
He is immortal. Born in the Highlands of New Jersey 400 years
ago. He is not alone. There are others like him, some good,
some evil. For centuries he has battled the forces of mean
people, with hiding behind Greg Kirschner as his only refuge.
He cannot die, unless you take his head, and with it his power.
In the end there can be only one. He is Peter MacLeod, the
Petelander.
I'll hang out with my new buddy Richie, and then head over
to Paris, working as an antique dealer, then fall in love
with some French woman, then she'll get killed, and so will
Richie-- but wait-- Richie's immortal too! No way! Eventually
Richie and I will have to throw down, because there can be
only one. Then I'll jump into the movies. |
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Mr. Petevedere:
Care for some tea? My moustache is Photoshopped.
Sportswriter/caster Bob Uecker and his wife, Judy Uecker, before
they got divorced, were a two-career couple living in suburban
Pittsburgh and having trouble finding time for their four rambunctious
kids--especially the "little accident," Wesley. Enter
Mr. Petevedere, a witty, debonair, portly English housekeeper
who had formerly served such gentry as Winston Churchill; to
everyone's surprise he proved both a genius at the toaster oven
and an expert at solving all the little problems of growing
up and getting along that fill family life. Each episode ends
with Mr. Petevedere writing the lessons of the day in his diary--
I mean journal. |
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Miami Pete:
It's true, the clothes make the man
Stubble-faced detective Pete Phillips lives on a sailboat
guarded by his alligator, Elvis. His partner, Tubbs, is a
black New York cop looking for his brother's killer. Together
they take on the Florida drug world, among other retro 80's
crimes and social issues..
Together, these two men will influence the fashion world
and stop innumerable drug trafficing scams. Amidst trendy
music, fast cars, and faster women, Phillips and Tubbs will
make Miami into the clean, friendly streets that they used
to be in the 1920's. A plethora of unusual guest stars will
make even the most dull episode into a rockeling adventure
of b-celebrity madness.
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The Incredible Pete:
"...don't make me angry. You wouldn't
like me when I'm angry."
Dr. Pete Phillips, Phsyician, Scientist,
Instructional Designer; searching for a way to tap into the
hidden green hue that all humans have.
Then, an accidental overdose of gamma radiation alters his
body chemistry.
Now, when Pete Phillips grows angry or outraged, a startling
metomorphsis occurs. >Rooaarrr!<
The creature is driven by rage and pursued by an investigative
reporter, because no one else really cares what he does or
appreciates all the nice things he does when he's not enraged.
(Pete: " Mr. Magee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't
like me when I'm angry." )
The creature is wanted for a crime he didn't commit, much
like the Pete Team.
Pete Phillips is believed to be dead, and he must allow the
world to believe that he is dead, until he can find a way
to control the raging spirit that dwells within him.
I travel the country doing nice things for strangers. When
they piss me off, are suspicious, or don't appreciate me being
kind, I turn into the Incredible Pete and kill them. Simple
enough plot. |
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Peter, Texas Ranger:
Do you doubt my martial arts technique?
Wha-pshh!
In the eyes of a ranger,
The unsuspecting stranger,
Had better know the truth of wrong from right,
'Cause the eyes of a ranger are upon you,
Any wrong you do, he's gonna see.
When you're in Texas, look behind you,
'Cause that's where the rangers gonna be.
You can't mess with that-- come on. I'll pay the copyright
to re-use it. And yes, I will request that Chuck Norris preform
the theme on my show too... just because. |
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The Fresh Pete of
Wilkes-Barre:
I won't make any fat jokes about you
Uncle Philip
Now this is the story all about how,
My life got flipped, turned upside down,
And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I’ll tell you how I became the Pete in a town called
Wilkes-Barre.
In South New Jersey I was born and raised,
At the TV is where I spent most of my days.
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin all cool,
And all shootin’ some b-ball if the air was cool.
It was time to find a college that looked good,
Started searchin' outside of my neighborhood.
When I sent out applications, only sent out a pair,
And got a scholarship from King's so I was movin' to Wilkes-Barre.
I made a name and went to school for four years,
Figured, "Yo, what they hey? I'll stay for a career."
If anything I could say that this town was square,
But I thought Nah forget it, "I'll stay in Wilkes-Barre."
Got a crappy apartment because I looked late,
but in May I'll tell the landlord, "Yo homes, smell ya
later."
For now I live in a dump, but I don't really care,
Because I still have the crown as the Pete of Wilkes-Barre.
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The Pete Team:
Mr. P pities the fool who don't show
no respect for the Pete Team
In 1992 a crack commando unit was sent to a prison by a military
court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped
from a maximum security stockade to the Atlantic City underground.
Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers
of fortune. If you have a problem, or need a handyman, or
a baked good, or to disinfect your computer from spyware,
or a website, if no one else can help, and if you can find
them, maybe you can hire the Pete Team.
The team is comprised of Pete "P.O."
Phillacus, Peterton "Faceman" Peck, Pete "Hanibal"
Smith, and P.J. "Howlin' Mad" Phillips. Not the
most original character names, but you never lose track of
who the show is about. The early seasons also feature Phyllis
Peterson, a reporter wishing to profile the Pete Team and
their escapades. Later seasons will introduce the Latino character
and special effects expert Petey Pantana.
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Quantum Pete:
Where will Quantum Pete go today? Rather,
when?
Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime,
Dr. Pete Phillips stepped into the Quantum Pete accelerator
(named after himself) and vanished. He awoke to find himself
trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his
own and sometimes appaled at these new faces, yet sometimes
aroused and sexually frustrated. Curiously, he was also driven
by an unknown force to change history for his benefit. His
only guide on this journey is Greg, an observer from his own
time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Pete
can see and hear. And so Dr. Phillips finds himself leaping
from life to life, striving to put right what once didn't
work out in his favor and hoping each time that his next leap
will be the leap home."
In one of the more memorable episodes, I'll deliver a black
baby in a white-only hospital. I'll leave behind a note that
says, "I wanted to name this baby Pete Phillips, but
I realize there is one to come in the future that will be
better than my baby, so name it Albert Phillips. Thanks." |
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The
Petey Bunch
When they
all look the same, who do you blame? |
Here's the story,
Of a lovely Peter,
Who was bringing up 3 very lovely Petes.
All of them had hair of brown,
Like their Peter,
The youngest one in curls.
Here's the story,
Of a man named Petey,
Who was busy with three Petes of his own.
They were four men,
Living all together, but they were all alone. |
Till the one day when the Petey met this Peter,
and they knew genetics packed more than a punch.
And this group should form a social circle.
That's the way we all became the Petey Bunch,
The Petey Bunch- the Petey Bunch
That's the waaaay- we becaaaame the Petey Bunch
And we killed Alice in her sleep
Ba-dum-da-dum-dum!
Need I say more? It explains itself. |
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