The latest addition to my window sill toy collection,  this wind-up walking skeleton came from  Old Navy... scary, eh?

Halloween is right around the corner and even though some 20-year-olds insist that they can still trick-or-treat, I'm far too tall and round to be out on Halloween night without cops following me. So what is a poor boy to do? Well it seems like things get more and more limited as people grow older. If I was home I could walk around with my cousins or my quasi-cousins, but I'm at school. It seems that others will also be limited in their festivities for the upcoming holiday too, so I decided to do some thinking for you and me. Let's get busy on Halloween....

Give Out Candy in Your House
Well I can't do this because the kids that roam the streets of Wilkes-Barre like cocaine rocks, not pop-rocks. Even though my building has two locks to infiltrate in order to gain entrance, I'm confident that the W-B Lil' Hell's Angel's will be able to pick their way through if they know that candy's inside. My favorite thing when I was trick or treating was going to that house with the wooden porch that the guy would hide under so he could jump up and scare the piss out of me when all I wanted in my little juvenile world was candy and to be fat(ter). If you enjoy terrorizing little kids you could try this out, but Luksic Hall won't be pulling this duty (hehe... duty) because it's already scary and allegedly haunted. Remember, mean things aren't nice, so don't scare kids if you don't intend to give them some candy in the end. That's just wrong.

Watch Scary/Awful/Funny Movies
This won't work if you're scared of scary movies, but if your grip on reality is strong enough that you realize spurting blood and plot-less stories can be funny, then you may be OK. If I could, I would recommend the all star night of "Hip-Hop Witch," "Leprechaun in the Hood," "Jason X," and the new-classic "Plague of the Zombies." This would be night to challenge anyone who calls themselves a fan of Halloween fun. I don't know what the rundown is this year but there's a set of various scary movies taking over several networks for the season. I believe it's the Halloween movies on AMC, Jason movies go on TBS or SpikeTV, and Freddy movies get no credit, though I think someone will probably carry them. Also the Child's Play movies take SciFi and a slew of other films will be on their respective networks, and I'll be damned if Casper's not on whatever that family cannel's called these days.

Séance/Sacrifice
Séance's seem lame, but if it does it for you, buy up some candles and have yourself a party. Sacrifices seems so much more fun, not only do you get to dress up and wear funny masks, but you also get to help appease some unknown spirit and keep them from taking over the world a little faster. Fun things for sacrifices include clay models of the sacrificee, goat-masks, Tom Hanks on a grill (à la, The Burbs), and chanting--you must chant, harmonies are important. I don't know if this is a popular Halloween activity, but you can make it popular as your new tradition with just an open area in the woods and the will to achieve.

Halloween Parties
The adult reason to dress up, Halloween Parties are fun for all who get to sit back an make fun of adults dressed up. You could also serve orange punch and spider salad or any number of creepy foods to gross out your party guests. All good Halloween parties have Carrie invited and plenty of pig's blood on tap, so get your ass to work on that. Things will be great in no time if you're with friends and loved ones and at the mercy of a tormented telekinetic. If you don't invite Carrie it's cool too, I guess, but she can make a party!

Good luck on Halloween everybody, and if you'd like to invite me to take part in any of the above activities, feel free to ask. I'll surely be planning a great night and your activity will only help. Most importantly, wear reflectors on your costumes and be safe. Holla!