not exactly it, but he closest i could find online

This coming Saturday is the day everybody. I will be cashing in my dignity to become a PA resident. It's a big blow to the pride that is Pete Phillips. If I had any pride, it was that I wasn't Pennsylvanian, or a Nazi, not to equate the two. You may be asking, "What caused such a rift that you gave up your pride?" That is the part where you all get to kick back and enjoy yourselves...

The family came up this past weekend. Mom started to love Wilkes-Barre, though she did admit that if she lived in an apartment as dreary as mine, "I would kill myself." And mom saw through the days of rain to find a lovely little town where she could walk around. She wouldn't get mugged in the rain, so I guess that helps. My sister enjoyed her time too, in spite of the rain. She attended a friend's wedding and that all went well. When my work and her wedding all settled down it was Saturday. One more day with the family-- we'd better make it last!

We started with breakfast at Bob Evan's, at my sister's request. Three pieces of french toast and three sausage links later, we set out for the mall, and Target. I got a number of cool things over the weekend, from a vacuum to an ironing board, and new pants to a new bag of salad. That wasn't the major purchase though. As I drove the family around, in what sounds like a terribly mediocre day (which was surely not, because it was with my family), there was a sound that plagued us. Bing-bing-bing was all we heard, all day, no matter where we went. My brake light was on, and after a few seconds, the sound started. At first, it stopped when I used the breaks, but then, it stayed.

Since I'm a kid who graduated and got a job, the family and I decided that I should take the next logical step: new car. It was at this point we went to MotorWorld, in Wilkes-Barre. Wilkes-Barre, geographically, is one confusing place. This was not really in the city of Wilkes-Barre, it was in the more commercial and acceptable area outside of Drums or Hanover, or some place like that. I pulled in, just looking. Proof of just looking was the meat we had just purchased at Wegman's, which would be our dinner in an hour.

An hour later, we have our meat staying chilled on the floor of the dealership while I'm filling out papers to purchase my new Hyundai Santa Fe. The 2004 car was just traded in and the roomy interior was nice and comfy. The shiny locks dazzled me, and the gigantic rear view mirror really captured the back of the road. The kicker: a CD player AND tape deck. Yes-- both. I couldn't turn that down! As time went on, we learned that the place couldn't sell the good ol' HMS Invincible. We'd be better off selling it on our own. That was the plan. We also learned that they couldn't sell me the car without me having PA insurance.

Alas, I had to get PA driver's insurance. It was daunting. I tried three places online, and stuck with my classy State Farm, in a feeble attempt to take my accident free savings with me. Didn't work. Jerks. Accidents are like hiccups in NJ, and I say if you make it so long over there, then you're kicking PA's ass in accident-free status. But I grinned and took my insurance. Rather I should say, I will take my insurance today. I haven't gotten back to the place to sign the papers because I don't have a car.

And yes, since I get the insurance, I have to get the licence, and the address change, and then poof-- I'll be a Pennsylvania resident. I'm already trying to adopt the following driving traits: passing in a turning lame, not using the blinker, honking at the five cars in front of me immediately when the light changes from red to green, and (since I'll have an SUV) tailgating low cars, thereby blinding the drivers through their rearview mirrors.

Why don't you have a car? Don't you have two? Nope. I couldn't get the new one until I had insurance. I couldn't very well sell the old one with the binging because that would be one shitty test drive. I took it to get fixed. A simple fuse that had blown would probably need replacing and I'd be on my way. But this is Pete Phillips Online, so it was bigger. The master cylinder in the brakes had gone, so I had to get that replaced. $325 later, I should have it back soon. Then I can drive to the insurance place and sign the papers and be insured. THEN I'll get to Best Buy because I'm already three days overdue on purchasing the new Big Lebowski DVD.

And what have we learned from all of this, kids? Don't underestimate your automobile. It can really "nickel and dime" you, then slam you with a $300 bill. Don't buy meat before going to a car dealership. Make sure you can trust your car people, even if you can't remember his name. Always have friends that can take you to go get your car. Don't buy another car if you only have one parking space. And, lastly, always remember that Pete Phillips is here to advise you in your endeavors. If you need a ride anywhere, you know who to call.