there he is, ol' columbus himself

I wrote this Columbus Day blog on myspace last year. I saved the .txt version for some reason and now I have it for you to enjoy, with modern commentary. Love it.

I'm here at work, it's 11:30 AM. I've been working for a while and I'm kind of tired (indeed, I am). The tiredness comes from the weekend, in which I went to a wedding and did yardwork (I honestly don't remember any wedding, but yardwork is tiring). I didn't sleep much. From there, I came back and tried to catch up, but I may have overshot the mark because I'm tired anyway. (I think maybe my cousin's wedding?)

Add to that, my lovely location. It's a seasonal thing, but it's cold and wet in Northeastern PA (not today though!). While some places get windy and cool as leaves fade to orange in autumn, NEPA gets foggy and overcast, to remind you of the pending doom that is winter (it was foggy this morning). For some reason, too, my office only has the settings "Oven" or "Freezer" and I have no control over which is chosen (this is still true). Needless to say, I'm cold (not really).

I'm also hungry (again, true, but it's right before lunch). I had a wedding meal and went out to breakfast before I left to come back to Wilkes-Barre (breakfast out is great, isn't it?). These were two uncommonly large meals for me, which led me to being very hungry today (that happens...). You know, when you eat big meals, then come back to the small, cheap meals you feed yourself when someone else isn't paying? The small ones don't suffice anymore.

In summary, I'm cold, hungry, and tired. Then I thought of Christopher Columbus (BAM! took a long time to get there, but here's your holiday reference). Today is his day, and there's a man who must've been hungry and tired (and scared). Maybe he wasn't cold, but at night I bet he was. Some people think Columbus doesn't deserve his own holiday (blaspheming humanists). I used to think he didn't. I mean he stole the land from the Natives, blah, blah, blah (those blahs cover being responsible for introducing the white man, who went on to kill said Natives). You know the story. But think about it, he was the first person to be an idiot in America and make a name for himself (by finding the place by accident, he did prove he was an idiot).

He thought he was in Asia (I spelled Asia wrong in the first draft), come on (I was also really into Gob's "Come on!" from Arrested Development)! That aside, he deserves a day because he accidentally stumbled upon our continent (have a good trip, see you next fall). After the whole cold, hungry, and tired thing, his whole crew had a mutiny, right? I think I remember that from school (most studious: 4th grade). So he really had to fight for his way home (no sexual favors jokes on historical icons). And after all of that, he made it long enough to die from a tropical disease that caused joint pain (not nearly as cheerful as tropical punch or tropical birds).

I had joint pain (and mine was cancer, also a fatal disease), and today I'm feeling the popular effects of the American voyage (I didn't want to repeat tired, cold, and hungry again). Of course I had doctors and I have food at my apartment, so we're only kind of close, but still (ah, reality). Maybe we're all Christopher Columbus in some way (and here's the philisophical/moral sew-up): zealous lunatics who want to be recognized and loved by the masses (amen).

I don't care either way-- I'm going to go get some re-heated mac and cheese (curiously, I have homemade baked macaroni and cheese at home that I could reheat)!