beaming with rebound pride photo credit

Rarely can PetePhillipsOnline scoop the newspapers and TV shows, but with correspondents on the West Coast, we've been able to do just that. We have heard stories about Vanessa Angel walking the streets and Darius McCrary at movie premieres, but none of those were news to anyone but us.Now we have the big leagues. Here we stand together and say:
Adam Duritz, frontman for Counting Crows, as taken Jennifer Aniston back with open arms after her rocky relationship with Brad Pitt.

Hollywood gossip is all the rage and there's our two cents. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to convince the Aniston people that we were a legit news source, but when they finally gave in, they let us have a first hand interview. Pete, being the selfish me-me-me guy that he is, decided to take the interview himself. He got off a few good questions with the couple before he launched into a tirade about Leprechaun and Rock Star on Aniston and the shamefully hack-ish "Big Yellow Taxi" on Duritz.

Pete managed to get out some pretty good quotes too. "I'm coming back to Adam because I learned from Courtney Cox, who also dated Adam, that sometimes you have to go with the goofy-funny looking guy if you want some stability, like she did with David Arquette. A big hunk of man meat like Brad will always be ready to bone the next busty, big-lipped piece of non-showering trash that comes along. Adam, after seeing my bank account balance realized that it would be ridiculous to let me go," says Aniston.

Duritz candidly agreed. "She's right. I mean, I was by her side when she did Leprechaun and all that stuff from the early 90's. I mean, come on, she owes me. Now that she's a star and my band hasn't done anything for-freaking-ever, I could use the pay out."

Aniston, as you may have heard, did get the dump from her former husband Brad Pitt, who, despite actually getting married, says he's not the marrying type. The incident left a scar on poor Aniston's heart. Just this week they sold their $28 million house, so Duritz is looking forward to the move. "I hope the house is huge with secret passages like on Scooby Doo."

And while Aniston has ten movies in progress with about fifteen already in the can, and signed on for thirty more, Duritz has lots of time to dream, "I wanna be Bob Dylan. And I found this guy, Gary Jones, to move in and keep me company. Now when I go to restaurants with him, I always as for a table for Mr. Jones and me. And I pay him Jen's money to be just like the dude in the song. He plays flamenco."

"I really just can't wait to do more movies so I can get out of the house. Really. Look at his hair. What decade is this guy in? Oh why am I even wasting my time here? I know that's the real question you have. Well, basically Adam's like a sick puppy. I know he'll always be there and in need. And seriously, who wants a sick puppy? You could find a healthy one in a box at most supermarkets across the country," says Aniston.

All in all, the stressed and strained relationship looks like it has one thing working strong for it: the distance and time apart. Adam and Jen have been doing quite well so far, and their future, like all of our futures, is right around the corner. Adam is looking to it with great hopes. "I can't wait to have our first kid. I wanna name it Chac. It's unisex, just in case, and it's the Mayan rain god, or should I say, Rain King."

"He's out of his damn mind if he thinks that's gonna happen," says Aniston.

If you believe any of this, you're a total moron.