Truth be told, I've been to Roba's Family Farm before. It was probably three or four years ago, back in the days of Karen. When we went I was a sprouting young boyfriend, trying to look confident and fun. Over time you learn that you can be fun without trying (unless you're not fun, which is possible). Back then, we fed fish and spend at least 90 minutes surrounded by corn, until it started to get dark and I got homicidally hungry. For this trip, Marissa Phillips came along. She wanted a pumpkin to carve, and I, being an absolute fan of overkill, thought that a day at the farm would be perfect.

Going to a family farm with someone you're not dating is a much better idea. We had Marissa to capture me in pictures, which benefits you. She also got to come along and experience the adventure first hand-- that included a chicken show, a corn maze, and all sorts of other fun. That is without mentioning the car ride, swinging hits from the MP3 player, and jokes galore. Being my friend is like opening a door to tremendous experiences. The best part about doing a corn maze with someone you're not dating: "Screw this freakin' corn maze-- let's get out of here." Be sure you follow the story carefully. There's a video component later on.

	When we reached the farm, we took a hayride to the action. Marissa was sad to see that there was very little hay on the hayride. If you squint, you can see some here. We got a picture.
	We then went to the ducks. Ducks are birds that swim. They also peck at giant fish that swim underneath them. At one point you feel bad that the fish get no food, but everyone strains to feed them more because the ducks seem rude. I think it's some sick Darwin thing.
	The chicken show was the MAJOR highlight of the trip. Not only were there singing animatronic chickens, but there was a fox too! And not only did I get this picture, but I bootlegged some video. Booya! Watch the video! 3 minutes, 8 MBS Note the rain. You'd sit through it for Dave Matthews. I'll do it for chickens-- prioritize, man!
	This is the corn maze. It has 1.6 miles of trails and if you make every turn correctly, you can get out in 20 minutes. But you have to gather pieces to a map in secret locations all around. It's a pisser. We quit when we got hungry and tired of it raining.
	This is the brown sheep. We liked him because he had character. You have to love the stand-out of the group, right? He also didn't "baaah" at us because we didn't give them food.
	This is me an Wally. Okay, that's not his name, but still. He was a friendly goat. I wondered why there were holes in the fence, then Wally came by and said, "Here's why, stupid. Feed me!"
The Phyllis Diller Chicken and Phyllis Diller. Need I say more?
	This is me at the Bunnyville Church. I wondered what religion bunnies would be, and there's a somewhat intellectual (yet ethnocentric) joke to be made, but I don't feel like depriving visitors the rest of this story and throwing it in the uncensored section. There's a bunny too.
	This guy was trying to escape. We wanted to help him, but I left my wire-cutters at home. I called MacGyver. He's on it.
	Marissa at the Bunnyville city limits sign. Get the joke? See, rabbits multiply quickly, so the population went from 2 to 4 to 9 to 12. Then, either the writer couldn't count past 12 or the population disappeared into an interdimensional vortex and no one knew how to find them or how many there were.
	"Water our animals like our grandparents did not so many years ago." There's not enough acid on the planet to make that sentence make sense. Look at me making acid jokes. Dirty hippies with their tie-dye.
	One llama. Marissa was scared of it. We were okay because it didn't move anyway. See, llamas are smart and they don't go outside in the rain without an umbrella, like I did. Therefore, the llama will not get sick as quickly as I will either.
	This was the lightest goat. Since he was the goat stand-out, he was the cutest. He also posed a lot better than most of the goats, by standing and staring at us. It was at that point I wondered if we were really the animals on display. If, maybe, the goats allowed us to feel them because they thought we were a novelty. Ok, not really.
	This goat ate my shirt. He started to anyway. It should be noted that I was wearing my candy-coated work shirt. It's made out of cotton candy and if you dip it in Fun Dip (in liquid form), it actually coats the shirt... until it starts to rain and goats come for you, of course.
	This was the reindeer. Marissa asked me to call it over, then said I didn't sound enticing. As I secuctively called out to him, his ear moved. I hope it's a she.
	This is me, if I was a two-dimensional goat that dumps out eggs because the animatronic chickens get an entire house to perform in and I get a freaking piece of wood. What am I, the new guy around here? I've been working at this farm for ten years, you jerks.
	This is Marissa if she were a two-dimensional goat that had a severe birth defect that made its face crooked. Marissa is a rascally goat that dumps nails on the floor, if only because she totally sucks and hates the other goats.