Dear Reese's,

How do you sleep at night?!

I know, it's not fair of me to ask. I'm sure it's one of the company secrets. I just can't help but wonder how a group such as yourself can manage to make your living with the products that you make. No no, that's not right. I guess it's "How can you have a clear conscience making the products that you make?"

I love your candy. I've never had a FastBreak candybar, but I'm first in line to try anything with your name on it. Seasonal selections like Reese's pumpkins and Reese's eggs are a delight. When Big Cups came out, I think I lucked out being in a test-market. I ate those monstrous cups up with great delight. I managed to even develop variations that kept me satisfied: chilled big cups, normal temperature big cups, knife-and-fork eating to make the experience last a little longer. And normal peanut butter cups got just as exciting that year. There were ones with cookies in them (which were pretty good), ones with white chocolate (which was a bad idea), ones for peanut butter lovers (which I never got to try), and ones for chocolate lovers (which was a total rip-off-- it was just like a 1mm sheet of extra chocolate). I was there through them all.

I have to commend your Reese's Pieces too. A long-time favorite movie snack, these have always reminded me of drugs. I could never stop eating them until they were gone, and by then I was already feeling ill. You can imagine how rough last Easter was when you introduced the Reese's Pieces Eggs. I was ecstatic. I tried a bag and paid the price in cramps. The hard outer-shell did little to sell me on the candy either, but I forgave that when I reached the rich peanut butter center. I learned my lesson that season, and only went through one bag. One gigantic bag, but one bag nonetheless.

So back to your conscience. I can't understand how a company, in this day and age, can put out a product that has 1,000 calories per pack. Sure, you can have the serving size say 1 cup, but when you package two together, you know we have to eat both of them. After one pack, my suggested calorie intake is half-over! I notice a similar problem with regular cups, but they've been around for so long that people have gotten used to regulating the intake on them. These big cups are out of control though. If regular cups were pot, then big cups are cocaine, and it's hard to get off of it.

This hasn't been all bad, I must say. I've exhibited a great amount of self-control in the face of temptation. I did give in to buying a four-pack of Big Cups, but I've had them for four days now and they're not gone. Pace and regulation is the key, right? I feel like a smoker though. The cups are looking at me when I open the fridge-- I mean you did pick orange for the package. Of course I can look past them to the salad and water. Still, do you feel like the tobacco industry at all? I mean you released this product that isn't good for anyone, and people are eating it up with joy. I think a lesser person could even become addicted to the thick chocolate casing with the surprise of peanut butter filling inside.

And it's the peanut butter filling that adds the unhealthy element, isn't it? I mean, I love it as much as the next trick-or-treating kid, but in all seriousness, you know it's not good for anyone, right? Maybe my letter will fall on deaf ears, and part of me hopes it does, but at least my conscience will be clear for making an effort that I'm dissatisfied with the insane amounts of fat cells you're filling my arteries with. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it before-- "You're the one consuming it..." but listen, do you hold the drug addict or the drug dealer responsible? Okay, that varies, but Reese's, you have become a facilitator, and I'm regrettably upset with it all. I wish you the best as an organization, but your sales should take a drop until you figure out a way around this issue. Even if you put out a horrible-tasting low fat thing, I could at least feel like you're trying.

Thank you for your time, and if you want to win me over with free samples, I encourage it.

Sincerely,