this is what i mean. and they don't really have nice legs.

There is an outfit, ladies and gentlemen, that is unique to a small group of people. I'm not talking about a police uniform or a baseball team uniform either. This particular outfit gives creative freedom. You get to mix and match colors and styles, as long as you have two constants: high heels and short shorts. Chances are you're gonna have a tight top or tank top too.

This outfit really demonstrates several things about someone's character. You acknowledge that, despite the appearance of those short shorts, you have some pretty big kahones. It takes a whole lot of courage to walk around in high heels and shorts. It demands attention for your legs. Therefore, you also acknowledge that you're attention-starved. Let's say you're pretty, for example, you don't need to put on make up and things to highlight your beauty. For events and stuff, I would say it's fine, but if you're wearing it everyday, you could be hindering some natural beauty. Likewise, if you have nice legs, people will notice. You don't have to wear a neon sign or let a little cheek from the short shorts draw attention to your legs.

The other thing you say about yourself is that you want to join the previously mentioned small group of people who would wear such an outfit. That group consists of Jessica Simpson, rap video hoes, and hookers. You think I'm missing strippers, right? No stripper would wear that because short shorts look hard to take off, unless they're loose. And if you're sporting loose short shorts, you may as well just walk around naked. Yikes. Oh, I forgot one more person who would wear this combo. Sometimes you might catch an actress in a shaving product commercial wearing this. But even they usually wear more comfortable shoes. Flip flops even.

So why am I attacking these poor ladies? These working girls and rap hoes need to work too, right? I wouldn't attack them. I mean, the economy has to run, right? We need rap hoes or the price of oil will go out of control. You remember the late 90's? There wasn't as big an issue as the past few years. Rappers seem to have become a little aware of objectifying women and there have been fewer hoes in videos. This is according to a study that no one did and me not watching MTV for years.

I would never attack a video hoe or a hooker. I would attack a peer who thinks that this would be a good way to get some attention. In fact, I think all men should have blinders on when it comes to this fashion faux pas (I took French). Men, you may be tempted to go hit on a woman in this outfit. You'll think, "Wow, what beautiful legs!" or "Wow, she may be as easy as Jessica Simpson," but just remember what happens. You saw the show. Jessica Simpson lacked intelligence, a refined sense of humor, empathy, intelligence, and damn was she starved for attention! I don't know if all of Africa can be that starved.

High heels are an easy way to add some class to your style. Short shorts are a way to... expose your legs... if it's hot-- there ya go. But if your butt's not hot, you may be tempted to use the heels to add a little boost to the posterior. I'm here to tell you that, like baking soda and vinegar, the combination can be powerful. Alone, baking soda and vinegar can be helpful cooking supplies. Combined, they will foam and spew, going all over the room and winning you a science contest (or getting you arrested for terrorism). Ladies, do you really want to win a science contest by spewing emotional inadequacies?