There are many things that I've learned while here at King's College. For one, I've learned how to kill a roach without stepping on it and grinding its eggs into the floor. I've also learned that you don't need more than three digits on your SATs to get into one of the country's leading colleges (in Northern, Masters Programs) and that even if you bomb your first two years, you can start over somewhere else and prosper. I've learned that there is a direct proportion to the amount of food an organization buys at once and how much it can make the people who eat it poop. I've hypothesized volumes about stupidity with Greg and Kyle, debated the female sex with Joe Baldasare, discussed Puritans with BJ, and explored the bounds of logic with Alisha. Recently, I've also learned about customer satisfaction, and that the paper products surely make the world seem brighter.

You may remember sprinkled complaints about toilet paper from months ago, after King's decided to switch to single-ply toilet paper for a period of time. You may not have the faith you should, but I could've fashioned an entire article about the importance of two-ply toilet paper and lack of logic in single-ply, but I didn't because I did something that no one seems to think I ever do: I gave a chance. With that chance, King's came through and switched back to two ply. I could've complained, but what if they missed a number that week and the wrong toilet paper came in? A small mistake would result in such effort on my part. Who needs to be heckled for a small mistake? So armed with that benefit, King's came through and turned back to the two-ply beauty. We're miles away from Charmin, but at least we have protection.

Sometimes you give people chances, and sometimes you don't. If you don't, then you're a jerk, but it's America and if we have any freedom, it's the freedom to be a pain in people's ass. The rest of us give chances and those chances may go from one to three, it depends on several factors, but there is one true constant in leniency, and that is this: there's ALWAYS a breaking point.

Maintenance at King's College has been in transition for the past few months. Some employees are painfully expecting walking papers any week, while others are worried about keeping good benefits. That's a tough spot to be in, but one website can't do much about that. I can only say it's a crappy situation, but I'm sure there's a reason for being on the edge of unemployment.

Cutting costs is something that has been popular lately, while prices go up, and my latest beef with that cutting has been in the paper towel department. I gotta say that little things like paper towels and toilet paper may seem like minute details in a regular life, but that's only half true. Imagine one day you get fired from the post office. Your last day is tomorrow. After calling your significant other to tell them, you are told that your relationship is also at an end. In addition, the mechanic said your car will cost another $200 to fix. In the depths of sadness you go into the bathroom to clean up and you splash your face with water. As you reach over for a paper towel to dry off, a small, wet piece rips off into your hand while the rest of the roll doesn't move. You try again and again, only to find that the roll won't move because the towels are too cheap and crappy. You look into the mirror and, behind you, a rifle sits on a counter. The rest is mid-90's history.

The little things, like paper towels, are what make the big things break you in the end. This comes back to chances too, because King's has had about three months to correct the thinning paper towels that rip off in your hand and leave you with nothing but shreds. Instead of getting better, things only got worse here at King's. In addition to terrible paper towels, they seem to come in bigger rolls that don't fit correctly in the dispensers. This leaves two instances of the paper towels getting stuck. Now, even if your hands are bone dry, the towel will rip off in pieces into your hand no matter how hard you pull. This increased roll diameter comes from the middle portion, which I compared with an old roll I saved from last year (no joke). It seems that only a quarter-inch is to blame, but that quarter inch from the inside pushed against the inside of the machine.

This is clearly something that seems small enough that no one would say anything about it. Maybe if we save a few bucks here, everything will be fine. I doubt it.

All in all, these paper towels are starting to build into a big problem that won't make me snap anymore. It's not much of a main concern to me because I still demand myself to use the bathroom downstairs, which no one else does. This leaves me as the only true user of the paper towels, so they last much longer. And when I run out, who knows what may happen? It's only a matter of time before the students return to this school and start washing their hands (though you skeezy kids need not worry), and when it comes time to dry, they'll join the land of the upset, with me, and soon, a change will take place. For now, I just suggest all you King's kids returning bring your own hand towels.

So chalk another thing learned up on my list: don't blow a lot of money on closing a street to inconvenience a city, visitors, and map-makers all around unless you know you have leftover cash for when you run into problems. That way, when you need to wash your hands later down the line, you'll be able to do so comfortably. Okay, I may never use that specific a lesson in the future, but stranger things have been known to happen.