(AP Photo/Laura Rauch)

Here at the website we've never been the most political mouthpiece of the nation, in actuality the truth is that I change my mind so many times that there's no sense in making any choices right now anyway. But with politics leading the pile of news stories everyday, there's just no way for me to ignore it. If you know me at all then you can know that all of my interests lie outside what most people are interested in too. I like the mid-popular things I guess, I'm not a super-advocate of mediocre local bands just because I know the guys, but at the same time I'm not waving flags for Usher. I fall somewhere in the middle. With that in mind, let's take a look at the campaign trail...

The friends of PetePhillipsOnline are big fans of John Kerry, from what I can gather. Emma proudly boasts links to videos with Will Ferrel and a giant "KENWARDS 2004!" Kyle too has a line support Kerry saying, "Help is on the way." That's about all I have right now because no one else is online for me to check their profiles for AIM. That's good enough though. With that major support, and the blind fury of Michael Moore, Kerry should have it in the bag, eh? Well what if he doesn't?

Today it was reported that Kerry was in New Mexico over the weekend to try his hand at grabbing up one of America's most overlooked minorities: Native Americans. According to ABCNews, Kerry promised all the Native Americans healthcare and an education. Isn't that a novel idea? Still, these Native American votes could turn New Mexico into a Kerry state and then he'll be closer to winning, and we all want to be winners right? ABCNews quoted Kerry as saying, "If there's anything that sort of represents the fallen agenda and the confrontation with the truth in America, which is what elections are supposed to be about, it is what is happening to Native Americans in this country still." This is very true, and if Kerry gets to the White House, he'll get to helping them out, after the war's over, economy is stable, we all have affordable healthcare, and jobs are abundant. They're one step above homes for the homeless on the priority list. The bottom line is that he got the words out there, and they were good. Now he's off to the next state.

On the other hand, Bush's gang is hard at work with his team working on yet another overlooked group. This time the Amish have been targeted for votes for America's most popular Yee-haw. Now from confusing articles from the Associated Press, the Amish seem to be anti-violence and resist voting for things that would directly or indirectly associate them with violence. That said, they LOVE Bush! I'm not totally sure why that is, but I think it's because Bush is also blind with Bible-humping faith. One Amish farmer backed Bush because of abortion, but must've missed that whole stem cell research thing. Of course, that same Amish farmer (would they be called Amish when plural, like deer or Amishinians?) was also quoted as saying, "You could hold up a dead mouse with a sign 'I love Bush,' and we'd still probably think twice about stomping that mouse underfoot." What that means, I have no clue, but I think that demonstrated that if their communications skills are as flexible as Bush's, then they're probably on the GOP ticket already.

And to be fair to all I recently made up this report about the Green Party. Ralph Nader took to Louisianna this past weekend to try and gain the equally overlooked Gypsy vote. Gypsies make up an estimated 300,000 people in America roaming the countryside in covered wagons with dancing children and flowing clothes. Likah Mulnch, leader of the Gypsy Order of Louisianna, said, "We look at the candidates and realize that Nader is the only candidate for us. First of all, he's crazy, and second, he doesn't think twice about jumping up to dance with us in the caravan. We have to respect that." Nader promised the nomads that they would be permitted to roam the country and they would recieve more benefits in traffic accidents involving caravans, which have put out 30,000 gypsies just last year according to Mulnch.

With all the pleas and attemps, we'll have to wait and see who lands on top of the election pile, but whoever it is, they won't have any problem dealing with the people of America. Show me something shiney, and count me in.

"That tired old huckster, the Rev. Al Sharpton, of Tawana Brawley hoax fame, was given a prime-time speaking spot in which to share his insight. He was a tough act to follow, but radical propagandist filmmaker and all-around hate monger Michael Moore, seated beside former President Jimmy Carter, was given the place of honor."
--Adam Sparks in a special to the San Fransisco Gate