The suspects conspiring against me.

Things have been quiet here at Camp Phillips, partially because I've been gearing up for the Pete Phillips Political Convention in Wilkes-Barre, PA. Since Boston and New York got political conventions, I figured Wilkes-Barre deserves one too. This will be a three day convention spanning August 2-4 and will take place in several locations. Some events will be at Greg's apartment, most speeches will be held at Flood Hall, and question and answer sessions will be held in Esseff Hall, room 620. All convention activity will conclude in Luksic Hall, where you will come with some boxes or clothes. If you haven't decoded my trickery, I'm making anyone who comes to the convention help me move.

That's right I'm gearing up for yet another move, back to the slums of King's College, the black sheep, the creepy uncle, the smelly co-worker, the fat kid on the track team, the bad apple, the cockroach infested building (wait, that one works): Luksic Hall! And before all the manly men-men move in, I'll have (maybe) a week of happiness, peace, and quiet. Ahh. I like the sound of that!

However, that's assuming I can make it to Luksic. See, the Pete Phillips Political Convention is in danger of being thwarted by some evil forces who would rather see political freedom get squashed like a roach that I will soon be living with again. The appliances in my room have suddenly gone crazy. In a summer where almost everything has worked against me, I finally found a formidable foe that I would have never expected.

About a week ago my refrigerator started to give me some lip. When I would try to sleep it would make a terrible humming sound and I couldn't get it to stop. I tried to bang it, beat it, look calmly at it and seek a logical answer, but no action would work. I finally decided that I had no choice but to try and live with it. This would be a terribly difficult task because I have a hard time getting to sleep when there's noise. If I'm really tired I have no problem getting to sleep, but if I know that it's bed time because I have work in the morning, then I have some trouble. This is why I think I will need a stationary bike when I move back to Luksic, that way when I'm dead tired I won't have to worry about tolerating the men-men's noise.

When my fridge started to get mean I tried to just ignore it, like I do the homophobe moron I live with now who owns Bum Fights on DVD; I figured sometimes you just have to put up with annoying things. As time progressed though, I found that I would have no sleep in the relationship. How could I make it through the night with a whirring hum like a small boat engine? I would lay in bed, but not actually get to sleep at all. In essence, I was wasting my time. Now you could say, "Just stay up until you're tired," but I had work! I had money to not-make.

Days later my razor finally started to lose it. After months of making my face bumpy and red, but only trimming my face-hair. While shaving the other day I saw quite a shocking sight: my razor was smoking. I didn't think I really pushed the little motor on the razor too hard, but I guess I did. After I got over the shock of seeing my smoking razor it was Tuesday and I had already missed two days while I was in shock and had my room pillaged by my lovely summer kids.

Later in that week, I managed to snap the featured picture here of my razor and fridge conspiring against me. It was quite unexpected to know that some of my most trusted appliances were turning against me, but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't scold them for being terrible appliances because they did work, they just did extra things to annoy and scare me. I couldn't just throw them out because the fridge came from Greg and I had no back-up. The razor was even more important since I have a certain inability to shave with a conventional razor without cutting myself repeatedly and crying like a baby.

I still haven't decided what to do with myself in this situation, but I have managed to keep the TV and DVD player on my side. If I lose them, who knows what could happen. I also have to admit that I would've never expected to find myself in such a strange situation. I mean I am an avid SciFi Channel watcher, so I know all the Twilight Zone/Outer Limits storylines that have technology going bad, especially that cool one where Tom Arnold buys a robot for his family and then the robot tries to kill him off and replace him. The point is though, that I'm aware that technology could turn on us at any time, but I also know that with my massive amount of laziness, coupled with my creativity, I rely on these technological pieces of heaven.

After all, if it wasn't for my razor and fridge, we wouldn't have this site. Think about it, I wouldn't look presentable with a beard and I would have no friends to write about or I would be hungry and too tired to write. I know that technology is quite helpful, and I hope you do too. Without appliances, we would be little shells of humans and who knows where we would be (hey, the fridge and razor might visit the site, maybe they'll cut it out if I kiss their asses, and maybe they can read in parenthesis--doh! yes, I called back the Homer "Doh!" which I haven't used since like the second year in high school).

Well that's all I have to report in the Technology Report for July 2004. If the Pete Phillips Political Convention continues, it should be a fun time for all, and I should be able to move for the last time for a few months. To reserve your spot today email pete@petephillipsonline.com.

****UPDATE****
Moriarty screwed me again... I have to move out by August 2 now. Oh the humanity. Convention cancelled! Damn the man!