I haven't done some music reviews in quite a while, but now I'm here to do just that, and in the vein of my movie reviews, I will review some terrible records for you today. Sometimes celebrities like to try their hands at different things and see what else they may be good at. When an actor picks up a guitar or takes a trip into the studio, they often find that they were only good at acting. Here I will bring you some celebrity actor CD reviews of only the choice terrible. Now I can't get everyone reviewed at once, so please be patient with me on this task, and if you have any celebrity CDs that you want me to review, mail them over. For now, we'll have to work with what I have on hand (or what I have downloaded recently, just for this article).

Mr. T Toughest Man in the World
Truly a rarity in celebrity records, this album boasts a classic star with a positive message. It would be no surprise that Mr. T could get so much help in making a record, but few know that an early upstart named Ice-T produced a few beats for this record. While the rhymes aren't always exceptional, T gives some rigid character to the words. Most of the lyrics are made expressly for children in the ghetto or low-income areas, who need to get out and make something of themselves. As the title track goes, "You can make it to tomorrow, if you take care of today/you have a shot and you have got what it takes to break away." The songs mostly go like that, but they vary on themes, but centrally focus on making something out of yourself and living life on the straight and narrow. I think T may be one of the only celebrities that knows he can be viewed as a role model, so he sends out some good messages in a mix of self-praise. "The One and Only Mr. T" features background singers singing about how hot and sexy T is, but you still can't get past the messages in songs like "Treat Your Mother Right," which is preceded by a humorous sketch where kids are making fun of each other, until one brings in the other kids mama: (Kid:)"You're mama is so--" (Mr. T:) "Whoa-whoa-whoa...when you put down one mother you're putting down mothers all over the world." If you can locate this record online, you grab it up quick-snap. It's a classic among celebrity recordings.

Leonard Nemoy & William Shatner Spaced Out
One of the classic actor-turned-attempted-musician recordings is from William Shatner. This record garnered some attention after the Priceline commercials years ago, but even without that attention, it could stand on it's own two legs. Shatner does some screwy performance pieces from Shakespeare, but his performances of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and "Mr. Tamborine Man" are amazing and one might even think that they surpass the originals. Nemoy makes a legitimate singing debut on this album, and really demonstrates tremendous range. From poppy 60's-rock, to country ballads, all the way to crooning pieces performed as Dr. Spock, where he contemplates human emotions and his existence as an android, or alien, or whatever the hell he is in Star Trek. Some of the select covers Nemoy sings are "Everybody's Talkin'" from Fred Neil, the Lee Hays & Pete Seeger-written "If I had a Hammer", Jackie DeShannon's "Put a Little Love in Your Heart," and the Johnny Cash classic, "I Walk the Line." Nemoy is most at home in his country role, but his willingness to deviate is more than admirable. Now we should all realize William Shatner's musical prowess, but if you happen to be unfamiliar at all, you hop on a file sharing program and I'll meet you there. Nemoy does get a good percentage of the album as compared to Shatner (a whopping 17:7 song ratio!), but you should give it a try anyway.

Macho Man, Randy Savage Be a Man
Here's a guy who didn't realize that a recording would be timeless, and wouldn't expire a year after it was completed. The first track, "Be a Man," is a call out to Hulk Hogan to face him and stop being such a wuss. He brags about how much better he is than Hogan, and the rhymes (yes this is a rap record) "...you're at the end of your rope/I'm gonna kick you in the butt and wash your mouth out with soap/Like Rodney Dangerfield you get no respect..." I don't really know how a guy who was so flamingly dressed hooked up with a bunch of ghetto-rap-wannabes, but he did. I stress the wannabe aspect because some of the production sounds like it involves a baseball stadium-esque organ. Another thing that makes you wonder about this record is that Savage doesn't seem to hesitate cursing (or alluding to curse words), despite the fact that his core audience is probably kids. This makes me sad because the man undoubtedly had to sacrifice all dignity to make this record, and now he has to stoop so low as to fulfill every rap stereotype. Political correctness is also out the window when he calls people that question his rap abilities "retarded." Of course we can't discount the emotional Savage when he trips through "Perfect Friend," an R&B journey reminiscent of Bone Thugs' "Crossroads," which is dedicates to Mr. Perfect, a wrestler who was apparently dead at the time of recording. If you scan the tracklist, don't get excited when you see "Let's Get it On," because the testosterone-endued Savage just wants to fight, not have sex. As an endnote to this review, this album was sadly recorded and released just last year, and the pathetic attempts at being hip that were previously mentioned were thought to be excused because it was an old album. Since it's new, you should find a copy and burn it instead of listening. Believe me, it will be liberating.

Carmen Electra Self-Titled
One of the things Electra had going for her when she made this record is that she hooked up with a guy who's as crazy, exotic, horny, and raunchy as she can be: Prince. After being a dancer for the Minnesota musical genius, Electra went on to take her clothes off and bounce around America with her boobs. But time goes on and firm things sag, so all we have left to remember Electra is pictures, video, and luckily, audio. Electra isn't much of a singer, she's more a voice barking out words over drum n' bass beats that don't really seem like they should have Prince's name on it. As a vocalist, Electra is pretty awful. Her voice isn't so much irritating as just not-listenable. It makes you marvel at the power of nudie-boobies, but also makes you move if you're in a club and not really caring about the crap most DJs play. Some complexity does shine through in beats and composition, but it's not enough to make you beg for another release, much less another song. When they layer Electra's voice with other singers, she comes across okay, but her rap-ish lyrics really leave her sounding like an old-school Kelis in a train wreck with La Bouche. On the plus side, I believe she did make an explicit video or two for these songs, so I would recommend the guys look for them instead of the actual songs.

Hulk Hogan Hulk Rules
Hulk Hogan was no moron. Before taking on his movie career, but after making his name in wrestling, Hulk Hogan made a ROCK record. Instead of appearing as a white guy trying to get in touch with the youth through rap (cough-Savage-cough), Hogan embraced his honkey-ness and rocked out. With wrenching guitars and booming vocals shouted by Hogan and his back up band, the Wrestling Boots Band, the Hulkster can't go wrong. I have to express disappointment in the fact that he doesn't sing as much as we would like him to, but he does make it on for some tracks. On "Hulkster's Back" Hogan does a vocal track that is more like fast-talking, but the musical background (in all its hokey-ness) makes it a song. The songs range from 80's style rock records to beach-inspired ballads, to the crowd pleasing "I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac." Of course, Hulk does display his desire to be a party favorite on "Beach Patrol," which boasts a powerful woman's voice and a backbeat that would get any 80's party going strong. No expense was spared for the gospel choir on the last track too. I would say if you come across this CD, give it a listen for a laugh, but you should probably not seek it out at all.

Five reviews sounds good for a start, eh? I hope this has given you a scope for the celebrity recordings out there, and maybe you'll look forward to the next installment, because chances are there will be one or two more, from Chris Burke to Bruce Willis, as long as people try to sing, I'll be here to let you know how they do.