I Could Be... a Perfect Juror
By: Pete Phillips
July 18, 2003
10:52 AM

then why are they such bastards?

Remember way back when OJ Simpson was on trial for murder and they couldn't find any people to be on the jury because everybody heard about OJ on the news or read about it in the papers? Well guess what? If that happened today, I think I'd be right in line for jury foreman. After two years in the Mass Communications department (actually it just took two semesters--spring '02 and fall '03), I've gone from caring about the news a little to hating the news. 

I don't know what's up with Kobe Bryant, someone told me he allegedly tried to have sex with a 19 year old health club employee. I could serve on a jury in this case because I don't even know what made Kobe Bryant so special before he was in the news for this.

I wasn't sure if we were still in Iraq, but in researching what I didn't know for this article, I found out that Russians are coming in to help keep peace?

I did know about the old man who drove into the farmer's market, but that was because the morning show that wakes me up fell behind one morning and the news was on later than usual.

I did not know that you could stalk naked women in the Nevada desert and shoot them with paintball guns.

I did not know that people were poisoning dogs because of leash laws in Oregon.

Hey wait--I think I remember another reason I don't like the news... people are screwed up big time. But really, I do believe that I could be a perfect juror for any case in America, and I think I would enjoy the break from work and school. I must say though, I'm gonna need a real courthouse that has good orange juice, because last time I was on a jury I did a lot of throwing up because of the bad courthouse orange juice. I still got paid though! Woo-hoo for me!

If you need me on a jury, you should let me know!