Dear Aquafina,
Hello. I'm a fat kid from New Jersey who is attending college in Wilkes-Barre, PA. During my time at college I've found that it's terribly difficult to eat and drink healthy things. I have been filling up on your parent company's goods for quite some time: Pepsi and Mountain Dew. I love the sweet tastes of those products. Recently I've decided that water in my diet may be more beneficial for my body. I also have to admit that I have some concerns after using your product for only a week.

My first concern is the taste. Many people realize that water has no taste, and I find this to be true. If I may venture a step forward, I've also found water to be a taste-icide, in that it kills any flavor in my mouth when I drink it. I don't mind drinking water when I'm going through my regular day, but when I drink it with a snack or meal, I find that it washes any taste of what I had just eaten completely away and leaves my mouth in a barren field of tastelessness, and not like Madonna's fashion sense either.

I suggest you tap into your parent company and toss in some of that high fructose corn syrup to remedy this problem. If you manage to sneak some of that in, your consumers may enjoy the sweet taste as a compliment to what they eat instead of a flavor-killer.

I also have noticed your bottle-bragging of no sodium and no calories. I find this to be somewhat taunting to me. Your negative advertising will only find you in the hole when things come down to a final straw. Instead of focusing on what is not in the water, you should be more positive and focus on what is in the water. I realize that's hard since it's just water, but you should try anyway. My suggestions would be, "Now clear!" or "Wetter than ever!" For more ideas, I can be contacted to discuss hiring as a creative consultant.

My final concern, for now, is the effects of water on the human body. Surely you don't publicize this enough. At the end of almost every drug commercial today you hear a speedy disclaimer that warns you of the dangers of the product. I've been surprised not to see a disclaimer on your product after using it for some time. I've been drinking water while at work, one to two bottles a day, and I've noticed a distinct change in my bathroom behavior. I have attached a chart to show you the changes.

I have to admit that going to the bathroom does give me a chance to get up and move around--another healthy step in living--but it also has reduced my productivity at work a great deal. I've been putting in so much bathroom time that my work has suffered a great deal. When I try to hold it in to complete work, I start to fear that it may fall out and I give in to another trip to the bathroom. I also worry about the effects this may have when i reach old age. I may lose my ability to hold it in before I reach the golden years.

I hope these concerns are valid and this is not the first time you're hearing them. I know there is a love for water because it is so natural and healthy, but no one ever gives oxygen such a good rap. Maybe you could bottle that next! All in all though, I'm enjoying my new experiences with Aquafina bottled water, and I thank you for making such a product. I hope my suggestions come in handy at the next planning meeting. Have a good day.

Sincerely,

Pete Phillips