28 Days Later... We'll Still Make Vomiting Jokes
By: Pete Phillips
July 14, 2003
11:00 AM

this is the closest thing you'll get to a review

28 Days Later... was pretty awful, like most post-apocalyptic movies are. After this crazy virus best described as 'rage' passes throughout the United Kingdom (thanks to some hippie animal rights activists.... damn hippies), we find one guy left, naked, and he needs some help, and clothes. That's pretty much the start--

One guy's left after a lot are dead. From a director's point of view this is pretty good--cheap shots and few actors. Not to mention, the 28 Days Later... script could very well be shorter than that of The Evil Dead, there's plenty of quiet time. From my point of view, this genre is one that needs help. So many films have tried to do this post-apocalyptic thing right that we have plenty of examples to learn from. 

Lessons include:
Don't hire Kevin Costner
Don't dress the protagonist in leather
Cut down on landscapes and wide shots 
Don't forget a plot

So we see a whole lot of the main character, Jim, roaming around Britain looking for people--he finds no one until he starts egging on the bad guys. Soon he is helped by a duo of bad-ass leather-clad zombie-killers who have some nice killing scenes. Insert boring roaming scenes. Next, our buddies find a man and daughter, inset more boring roaming scenes. Lastly we find soldiers who are helping defend themselves and anyone who stops on by. Blah-bi-di-blah--the end. If it were really good, I wouldn't mind describing more plot points (look at my Willard article), but it was pretty bad. 

I think I should be able to sue the film critics that said this movie was "scary as hell." I was highly disappointed at their lack of awareness for scariness. Perhaps these people have reviewed Disney movies all their lives and if they saw this then it might be scary. Alas, there's a silver lining to every cloud ladies and gents. What does 28 Days Later... have that Waterworld, The Postman, The Road Warrior, 12 Monkeys, and Planet of the Apes doesn't? Yes, I said Planet of the Apes...

Projectile Blood-Vomiting!

greatest performance: Marvin Campbell for his portrayal of the infected Sgt. Mailer

Sure, you have to wait a long time, but when you see Marvin Campbell shoot blood out of his mouth like someone stomping on a ketchup bottle, you know that your free ticket was worth it! Though the vomiting isn't as funny unless you have Kyle imitating it at any number of random instances, it's still funny when your whole movie party turns to each other and says, "Why would they vomit blood?"

Wait for this 'til it's on the SciFi Channel