this article contains explicit language

Hello everybody, It's me, Barry Coen, coming to you yet again with real news. Unlike Pete, I don't have a job, so I can afford to take trips, especially when they pique Pete's interest and he offers to pay for a meal if I go. Today I'm visiting Allentown for a very little-known news event. A lot of people don't realize that this group I'm sitting in with even exists, much less what their mission is, but since I found the website a while ago, I've been a fervent supporter of their goals. I'm sitting in and visiting various workshops at the first annual CPP Conference. The CPP is the Council for the Preservation of Profanity, and their goals are pretty hefty.

Drew Wong and Claire Hamilton founded the CPP only a year ago, and their following has grown a great deal since. While they have yet to garner national news coverage, I'm doing my part to help support their efforts with some coverage on PetePhillipsOnline. So what are they all about? Well the Council for the Preservation of Profanity is all about keeping the sanctity of curse words in tact. "With culture's declining moral values, the slow leak from the dam that once held back profanity is now a flowing stream. In time, the damn will break completely and profanity will only be a memory of decent people," says Wong.

It was hard to find someone against the mission of the group at the conference. Even when I ventured outside of the hotel and onto the streets of Allentown I did find David Shaw, 78, who supported the group's efforts. "The kids these days are all f'in this and that. There's no reason to use such language. When I was in WWII we saw some of the most horrible sights, but even we didn't use language like that to describe it. We took time to describe things instead of saying 'scary shit.'"

And the scary shit is that some don't see the point of the CPP altogether. Shawn Gooding, 23, found at a local eatery, was strongly against the matter. "I don't get why these bitches have to come and shit on everyone's party. These assbags have to make a big deal about people using any damn words they want to. When the shit goes down, I'll be ass-kickin' on the front lines against these f---ers." His dining companion only seconded Gooding's comments; Alexis Crawford, 22, said, "They're only words, I don't see what the big
f---in' deal is."

"But they're not just words," says Hamilton, "They're curse words, and if everyone goes around using them, then they're not going to be cool or fun to use anymore. The biggest problem is that these words will loose their impact."

Profanity is often attributed to the less-intelligent, but Hamilton insists that even the intelligent have moments of shock and anger in which they can't even think of words, so they too curse. She claims that their profanity in such circumstances only stresses the severity of a situation. "If Rosa Parks was kicked off of a bus today and she said it was bullshit, no one would bat an eye. But when the event actually took place? She would have gotten more attention than being black and sitting on a bus in the first place," adds Wong.

The CPP hosted a number of workshops in profanity prevention to teach visitors how they may misuse curse words. One CPP-goer had a revelation in his 10:00 AM prevention workshop. "I never knew how much I cursed for no real reason. I used to really convey my disappointment of a situation when I would call an employee a stupid ass, but now that I've thrown it around so much, and even cross-used it in a joking manner, alongside dumb-ass and fat-ass, it's totally lost its weight. I realize now that I have to re-evaluate my use," said Peter Baily, 42, a small-business owner from Springfield, PA.

But why is cursing so widespread and why does it seem that no one cares except for old people? Well, obviously old people are more traditional in values, but Wong seems to have an answer for the larger question:

"TV, music, and media of all sorts have popularized cursing so much. What is a real kick in the face for the CPP is the bleep censor. We know what words are being used-- we say them in our head so TV shows don't have to. It's like Rob Gordon's big dilemma in High Fidelity: What came first? The music or the misery? Well what came first? Rampant profanity or the public's demand for it? From Good Will Hunting to Eminem, f--k has been injected into the culture like a polio vaccine. Where once it could stop a person in it's tracks, now people are immune to its effects. What are we to do?"

And what are we to do? The general consensus from the conference is restraint. Learn new words and restrain yourself from using the crutches that profanity has become. Wong says, "It's not like we can make new curse words. Kids try that everyday and it never works. The language is stretched and morphed to the max-- we have to preserve these old words before there is no more profanity at all."

Where bitch was once taboo and the topic of newscasts for being so offensive to women, it's now the last word that makes any statement 'funny.' Adam Sandler mastered it in Happy Gilmore, but Dave Chappelle used it so many times in his show that it's now the norm. While there's also fervent debate over whether that makes for something truly funny or just poorly conceived, one thing remains clear-- bitch ain't shit no more.

Hamilton ends the Q and A session that concludes the conference with these words, "I want to make one thing perfectly clear: we are not trying to keep anyone from using profanity. We love profanity and we all live by the words of Mark Oliver Everrit 'I don't trust anyone who doesn't use profanity.' The purpose of all of this is to preserve the power of profanity. We hope we've changed your vocabulary and your mind."

From the milling about and chatter after the conference, it seems that they did.