i don't know who this is, but i'd put her at about 50% this is also the closest we'll get to porn, despite recent requests!

Fashion notes from Pete continue with this latest news on a summer trend from 2004: the pleated skirt. This edition of fashion suggestions may be a little harsh, but you need to realize that I only try to help, and if it hurts, remember, "You only hurt the ones you love."

Summer's here and skirts seem to be all the rage for some reason. I don't think I remember seeing so many skirts in my entire lifetime than this summer. Part of the reason for this surge in skirtwear is our friendly pals the Gap and Old Navy. It's a shame that most Americans, though they think they have personal fashion sense, actually only buy what's put in front of them.

This is the same reason why women don't wear regular pants anymore. Instead, markets are flooded with capri pants and other similar lengthed pants for women and girls, and where is the demand for regular pants? There isn't one. After all, that extra three inches of leg really makes a temperature difference when it gets hot out there. I know sometimes I even have to fight the urge to cut my pants up, but I have the willpower to keep strong and not cause a scene, plus Karen would disown me.

One thing that I'm not tempted to try is the trend of pleated skirts. I have been perplexed by this recent trend for a number of weeks, but I'm finally starting to sit down and come to a few clear, logical conclusions. Before I get to those conclusions, let's examine the images associated with the pleated skirt:
Catholic School Girl- once associated with innocence, this image has been tainted to a degree where the purity is now equal with sluttyness, which I believe is a word I just created. Now this is not to say that all catholic school girls are slutty, but when girls want to look slutty, this is one of the choice images to select. How this change happened is not totally clear, but it did happen within my lifetime. I'm putting my money on Britney Spears as the clincher for putting the slutty in "slutty catholic school girl."
Female Tennis Players- Well, they wear them. As a uniform, the pleated skirt gives a high-class look, while also giving flexibility in the legs for quick sprints and dives. This is helpful, and though many people have tried to pull the skirt into sexiness from tennis, the transition isn't always so easy. Still, tennis players are aware of the possibility of the skirt going up or moving about, so they wear well-covering things underneath.

There's no real other place where I've seen the pleated skirt prosper, so I cannot examine more uses of it, but I can study the current uses. It seems that these skirts have been made appropriately for some people. Many have the correct length and size, but, like a number of things, the manufacturer can only do so much before the user takes control. Once the user hikes the skirt up a few inches, then the trouble starts. For your own use, I came up with a chart to help asses where you might stand on the scale and how people might be perceiving you when you walk around with your skirt on.

This chart has been set up with percentages in order to keep everything relative and safe for both tall and short women. The percentages are coming down to the knee: 100% is at the knee, 0% pretty much means you're letting it all hang out. So realize that when the skirt is pulled up, the percentage changes, likewise, if the skirt is pulled down, then you're earning extra points by showing ass from both ends. It's also important to understand that a pleated skirt is made to move around, not sit in one place or cling tightly. These skirts MOVE and you should really cover your ass--literally. Thongs would be completely inappropriate if you were in the less than 80% range, and if you're experimenting with other types of underwear, I'm Joe Baldasare will offer one-on-one sessions to help you find out if you're breaking any social rules or not.

100-80% Respectable
Way to be a classy lady! If you fall into this category, then you're certainly a winner in the eyes of most people in public. What we see is that you're trendy, but you have respect for your body, whether it's attractive or not. This is a plus to me, as it's really easy to talk to and maintain a level communication field with someone who you can actually respect. I'd say you should keep yourself in this area and be strong.

79-70% Pressing the situation
Okay, here we have two possibilities: Perhaps one, you're comfortable with your crotch and don't mind who has the chance to possibly see it. This is because at about 70% you start to put yourself in a position where you need to be on your best leg-crossing work to keep the party quiet. Bear in mind though, this is a danger zone, you haven't crossed into a bad realm yet. The second possibility is that you want to fit in with your sluttier friends, but you don't actually want to be the slut. There's no problem with this( in that situation) because all eyes will most likely be on your friends' asses and not yours.

69-50% Skank
Listen, we're here to help, and sometimes honesty hurts. If you wear your skirt this high you probably have some confidence issues or you have a most notable ability to keep your legs crossed at all times. Depending on what shape your in, your ass may be peeking out already, and you should be aware that that isn't always a good thing. When your ass hangs out it's a call to men in the room to look. At the same time, it's a call for help to social workers and psychologists in the area. You're lacking some confidence in your personality if you're giving out free passes to the show downstairs.

49-40% Harlot
At about 40% you start giving everything away, and that ruins the mystery and allure that often makes the physical hunt so exciting. Once you hit this length you also lose all value in leg crossing because it will surely do you no good. By now your ass is hanging out and you can expect several hands and denim sensations to be making their way towards you. One might go so far as to assume that you may not be allowed to legitimately complain if you are groped with your skirt at such a position. Ultimately, it may be what you're after, but most things in life are a case-by-case basis.

40-0% Dirty Whore
By now, you may as well take the skirt off. I can't imagine why anyone with decency would bother with having a skirt that would go above your crotch itself, but what do I know anyway? It's at this point where you don't even need to worry if your skirt is pleated, tight, or even properly stitched together, because everyone has probably given up on you by now.

Phew-- I hope you're not a dirty whore! If you are, you can fix it now, or be content with your current role. Regardless, be sure to wear some underwear to cover yourself! Really, I think you have a great personality, and a trailer is good here and there, but you make the men work for the feature presentation, ok? There is little truth to the phrase "If you got it, flaunt it!" That's pretty much a savior phrase for the 50% and under people.