Finally--a Product Catalog!
By: Pete Phillips
May 29, 2003
2:35 PM

Are you sick of the inability to support Pete Phillips in your daily life? I know I am. While I could work on having confidence and making myself a better person, what could you do? When it seems like you can do nothing at all--that is when you can do the most. Take a look at the following (imaginary) merchandise available at the PetePhillipsOnline Store:

The Bumper Sticker-- It's plain and simple, but it's something. The black on white conveys a no-nonsense attitude about your support. Not too much to read, not too small, and hell--it rhymes! What more can you ask for in a bumper sticker?

The License Plate--available in Pennsylvania only. Support Pete and spread his joy to others with this custom made plate available upon request at all PA DMV's. A portion of the money made will go to the Pete Phillips Fan Camp.

Pete Butt Shorts-- As part of Pete's quest to become part of the corporate machine, he unveils these shorts. Though he has spoken out against them in the past, they're for his benefit now. Other forthcoming shorts are the popular "If you can read this, you're too close" and the "Ass" shorts.

Pete Frisbee-- If you're the degrading type, this frisbee is the product for you. Always getting mad for no good reason at all? Then this frisbee will always be there for you to tell people "Screw You!" but still support me--if you're mad at me for no reason, buy this and scratch my name out!

Pete's Crotch Mouse Pad-- ok, this is just tasteless, but boy am I laughing as I write this. I'm not even writing a catalog description. Do what you do on your current mouse pad on this one, everybody needs a change of scenery once in a while

Well that's all for the catalog... so far. Any suggestions? IM me @ Orangeape3. Otherwise you take care, and I know there are no prices up there, but that's because all my Indonesian sweat shop workers quit on me-- I was good to them too... little runts. And don't forget everybody....