Ya know, I took this picture all by myself.

Towards the end of last semester, my Fall 2003 report of the fifty reasons Luksic Sucks came under fire. As it seems, one of you lovelies decided that it would be a fantastic idea to print the list out and give it to the residence life staff in the building. Now I'm one who can stand by what I say, so I don't feel bad saying that you, if you're the person who printed it for distribution, you're a moron, seriously, and if I was rude I might ask you to never come back, but a visitor's a visitor and I'm sure you just had a temproary lapse into "I'm-a-huge-ass-face-ity." No hard feelings, but I do have a concern for the people that questioned the validity of the list. For this reason I decided to defend each item with a short explaination and an update in some areas for the Spring semester. Now, I mean nothing malicious by this list, NOTHING on this site is intended to be mean at all, it's all in fun and satire. I have learned from the site that I have some acquaintances who can't take it, but believe me, I'm harmless.

1. Roaches- Okay, when I wrote this list, I had only seen a roach or two, but the Spring brought about a few dozen in the bathroom and the halls. One resident, Perry, coped with them by naming and talking to them.
2. Flakes of skin in the bathroom- That was true, but was replaced in the Spring with newspapers and toilet paper all over the floor.
3. The puddle outside of the shower because there is no drain in the bathroom- This is serious and gross, I can only imagine the amount of bacteria in that puddle and it makes me quiver.
4. Running faucet of hot water- AKA, CONSTANTLY running faucet. Here's an instance where I think the list may have helped. This was fixed. In turn it was replaced with a leaky shower head that kept running long after you were washed up and done.
5. Conservatives- This was just a joke. The kid next door to me would always complain about liberals, I just put conervatives for fun. It was Mike, I'm sure he would have had a chuckle.
6. Mud in the bathroom because someone went hiking and when they came back they must’ve had to pee like you wouldn’t believe- This was added to, perhaps a place where the list faltered. Newbie washed his baseball stuff in the shower, so we also had mud added to the shower in the Spring.
7. The girl above me who either wears Spice Girls boots or does wind sprints across her room ALL day- Okay, now I found that this wasn't true. One of the RAs lived above me and she didn't run or wear big shoes. The large amount of sounds coming from her walking around was only due to the poor structural intergrity of the overall building. My bad.
8. The communal freezer which is so frosted over that no one can open it- This was true, but Sue, our AWESOME cleaning lady, took care of it after it got so bad that the door wouldn't close.
9. Heat is controlled by one person- This is true and anyone can tell you that it's not fair. I'm not saying the heat-controller did a bad job, it's just not the best idea to have temperature at one person's disposal. Oh sweet logic.
10. The old-school radiators that smell like burning on the first day it gets cold (and most days thereafter)- Again, this happens and it was probably because of all the dust on the radiators. It's not the best smell, and you really adapt to it easily.
11. Centipede-looking bugs that climb up the walls- During the winter, these bugs didn't come around a lot, but they were there. I didn't get a name on them, but they're very creepy. BJ and Kyle got to be pros at killing them. I got to be a pro at screaming like a girl and calling BJ or Kyle.
12. Dead roaches that sit (dead) on the floor for 2 weeks- Okay, fine, this happened once. But it happened.
13. An elevator that people are scared of- They are. People call it a horror movie elevator, but usually exhaustion or laziness gets the best of people and they take it anyway.
14. Getting stuck in the elevator- Well, I did get stuck in the elevator. Kyle came to my rescue, which was pure luck. See, no one really checks on Luksic, it's the black sheep of dorms, so I could have literally been in there for days and no one would have found me, except maybe Sue. Thank God for Alexa and Kyle!
15. A broken candy machine- Seriously, that bugged me a lot. I lost a lot of money to that machine and I'm poor to begin with. Once though, the guy who refilled it accidently left it cracked open (he probably wasn't familiar with the 1950's candy machine models) and we got some free stuff.
16. When Residence Life tells you “Don’t use it,” in reply to your broken candy machine complaints- Alright, this is inaccurate. Residence COUNCIL reported "Don't use it," by way of our hall representative, John Lapatchka. I generalized and said Residence Life because the council is run by Residence Life. Sorry about that.
17. That sweet musty basement- What? It stinks. Sorry. Maybe some ventilation could help. Vents and drains... hm, seems all this building needs is holes.
18. Having a nice porch on the second floor that is missing doors- I know this list made a difference because the doors were fixed. You're welcome Luksic Hall.
19. A tip for all the homeless: The basement’s always open on the weekends- Again, we made a difference by bringing this to the attention of those in charge. It was taken care of.
20. The crazy double standard from authority figures that allows visitation- Okay, I'll lay off of this one. I'll admit this was a low blow, but if you need me to replace it with another how about this-- That girl who lived next to the computer lab wouldn't get her own computer, she'd just use the lab one all the time, which sucked because there was only one in the lab. We just called it a lab for fun, it was really just a tease.
21. The screens- These sucked and no one can deny that. You can't get them in or out without them falling off the track or some other mishap. And they have holes in them, not like every other screen, but likehols big enough for bugs to come through, but small enough that no one cared enough to help.
22. Summer bugs, like bees and mosquitoes- Okay, they were gone for the winter, that was nice. When the weather broke they were back, but since summer's in another building for me this year, I should be okay.
23. The nice view of brick on one side- Well I guess this happens in some places. Maybe you can't complain about it, but hey, it surely isn't a nice view.
24. Chipping paint… everywhere- Again, this is true. It's as if no one scraped off old paint before re-painting, so the layers are like lead-rainbows. If you don't believe this one, you can simply look at any window in the place.
25. When it rains, water pours down the elevator shaft in a fashion that resembles pee- This happens. It's a small complaint, but I had to get fifty. No one wants 48 reasons, that sounds stupid.
26. No functioning smoke detectors- Okay, we had ONE fire drill in the early fall. The fire alarms work, but the detectors that sense smoke do not function. I'm not a smoker, so I can assure you that I didn't find this out first-hand, but I'd seen it in action.
27. Not one sprinkler- Again, true. I thought after the Seton Hall fires a few years ago they made a law about sprinklers in dormitories, but I could be wrong. Regardless, if that sucker catches fire it's more of a blessing than a curse. I know it's harsh, but again, it can't be denied.
28. Fire extinguishers that rarely get used for real fires- Alright, alright, this was just an inside joke for Kyle in regards to Will. Still, he did shoot my door one night, so I'm allowed to complain.
29. Locked doors at every turn- It's just annoying to have to key into everywhere you want to go. I mean, I know the purpose, but it's just bothersome for me and everyone else I know.
30. The Residence Life philosophy that a locked door can substitute real security- Okay a couple things here. 1) Res Life doesn't have such a written policy. 2) This was more out of jealousy for the other dorms. See, the two big dorms have attendants and people that go through them, giving a sense that someone care at the school. Luksic doesn't, so we have locked doors that substitute. Now the apartments on campus don't have attendants, but the shitty part is that we have to follow rules of the dorms, even though we have the "independence" of the apartments. I was just saying that a cold steel door doesn't equal a warm-hearted desk attendant.
31. Easy access to the roof- They fixed this too. Chalk one up for Pete!
32. It’s not high enough to jump from- This is a lucky truth, because God knows how many people would try it in there.
33. In the summer it gets so hot that fish die- I lost three fish, mo-fo. Three! No jokes, no laughs, nothing. Three dead fish on your head Luksic.
34. In the winter it gets so hot and cold that your armpits get confused- Again, this traces back to the one person controlling the heat. It's true and no resident can say that is isn't.
35. Windows over the doors provide a great source of fluorescent lighting when you turn out your lights- This is also accurate, and it brought to my attention the lack of privacy in the Hall. I'd have to take a picture to show you what I mean because it's so ridiculous that I couldn't describe it and have you believe it.
36. AKA. It is never, ever, ever dark- Most Luksies deal with this problem by putting something over the opening. I tried a paper bag, but I had to layer it with duct tape too. I was lucky enough to have the light right outside my door.
37. Curtains that are seriously thinner than most competitive paper towel brands- This is totally true and totally bullshit. I tried to have this problem addressed, but no one took action. I did manage to have certain administrators stand outside and observe the problem, but ultimately it was left unresolved. I guess what would be best is if one of these people spent a month in the building. Even that couldn't do because they would know they had a way out.
38. Having a light right outside my window- Yes, AND a light right outside my window! Lucky me. Lottery, here I come!
39. Conservatives- Okay, again, I needed fifty, so I repeated. Substitute: A brick motif and waterwashed awnings make for stellar outside cosmetics. Someone get me a powerwasher and a paycheck and we'll take care of that.
40. Having people close locked doors in front of you instead of holding for a half-second- Oh they were just asses. I hated that. What's worse is that we were instructed to do so at a building meeting. That way no strangers would get in.
41. Roaches, again- Look the problem is big enough that it needs to get mentioned twice.
42. Building meetings in the basement- This is one of those stupid things that bug me and everyone else who has been at the school for more that a year-- wait that's everyone in there-- because every break we have to meet so we can be told to lock doors and throw out trash and more stupid stuff that we already know. It's one of those aforementioned dorm rules.
43. The dryers (for your clothes) have wetness in them- This is true, but I can take it. They dry for 60 minutes instead of the 45 at Esseff Hall, so those extra 15 minutes are a warm-up to get rid of the moisture.
44. When your RA has a team of chicks come over and run through the halls at 1:00 AM- This happened and was actually what spawned this list, coupled with the accusation of being drunk and disorderly on the second floor after visitation hours with Kyle and BJ. The drunk thing was just two whiney girls looking for something to complain about, I mean if anyone drinks it's me, right? But the crack squad of chicks was an attempt to "punk" the RA above me. Understand that the previously mentioned structural integrity mixed with gitty squealing pushed me over the edge. That didn't spark this, but hearing about how I "acted," second-hand, only nine hours later (6.5 of which were spent sleeping) resulted in a list like this while I had twenty minutes free. In summary, this was put on because of the principle of people who are supposed to be getting paid to be responsible and not being responsible.
45. Floor Program: Tye Dye!- I didn't mean anything bitter by this (RITA RULES!), but I'm just not a fan of tye dye. Substitue: The bitter funk of baseball equipment from Newbie's room. He was, in a word, repulsing. I was cordial to him though.
46. When two microwaves are turned on at once (on the same floor) the power goes out- This was also second-hand knowledge from Kyle, who was credited as helper in the previous article's introduction. I only witnessed George Foreman grills knocking out the power.
47. Easy access to all circuit breakers from the aforementioned basement that is always unlocked on the weekends- This is true and no one cares. I guess it's not much of a complaint, but what can I say? If you need a substitue, try this: You can't smoke in the building, which I support. When people smoke outside, it comes right through your screen and into your room, which I do not support. This happens for at least six rooms in Luksic.
48. The sound of booming bass from cars that drive by right outside your window- Oh yeah, that was annoying, but no one can do anything about that. Then again this had only like 10% intention to be a list of things to fix. I mean some people don't have arms and they can complain, but can anyone do anything about it? Some things just suck.
49. “Could you please turn down your TV, I can barely hear my own over it.”- Sweet irony. This can be replaced with Newbie having personal in-house concerts with such boring, run-of-the-mill types as Dashboard Confessional, Collective Soul (the song "Run" only, no good ones), Nickleback and their likes, and Our Lady Peace.
50. Being told by the Vice President of Student Affairs that there is no way anyone is going to fix Luksic- This was not told to me, but an anonymous source reported it to the site with utter disgust. I guess with downsizing plagueing the campus, we can't look for a re-facing. I would rather have an old man keep his job than live in a better place for another year.