here's a monkey kids.

In searching through some old things, I found this little story that I wrote in high school for my English class. Who knows what the assignment was, but in case you're babysitting some kids or you need to entertain some feeble-minded people, read this to them. It's the closest thing to PetePhillipsOnline for Kids!

Once there was a monkey named Charlie. Charlie had to go to work everyday. Charlie hated work. The monotony of every day made Charlie go mad: go to work, sit at the desk, type, type, type, go home, eat dinner, sleep, wake up, go to work again.

As said, Charlie went mad, but this was after Charlie was given a huge typing assignment by one of his bosses, Mr. Armadillo; ordered to prepare for the next day’s huge typing assignment by another boss, Mr. Tuna; and his average load of typing from his other bosses, like Mrs. Walrus and Sergeant Fly (a retired war hero). Charlie lived in a tree equipped with cable modems and various other computer jargons. Charlie took all of his assignments home to do, but he was uninspired by the growing boredom he found in his day to day life.

Charlie was lost and didn’t know what to do with himself, so he went to the cornerstone to pick up some monkey booze. The monkey booze did nothing to solve Charlie’s problems, as booze do not solve problems for monkeys or anyone else for that matter. Charlie was trashed and didn’t get his assignments done because he was sleepy to begin with. With crooked collar and knotted tie, Charlie headed to work in sunglasses, swinging from tree to tree, hitting many on his way. Charlie found his destination, surprisingly only ten minutes late.

Ten minutes is ten minutes though, so Dr. Platypus called in Charlie and scolded him for being sloshed on the job; Charlie was fired. Charlie said, “Good, this job sucks anyway,” and headed out to find himself a new job, neglecting his place of employment of fifteen years on his resume. Many other employers on the market were suspicious of his fifteen-year absence, but Charlie told them he was abducted by aliens and the employers didn’t seem to mind.

Charlie’s first venture into the work force was at Tree Mart, the million-dollar corporation that ruled department store capitol, contending only with Bullseye. The constant barrage of angry customers with crying children took its toll on Charlie; he was forced to quit only a week after starting. After Tree Mart, he moved onto Mc Doogals, because they love to see people happy, just like Charlie. Mc Doogals was, in a word, nasty. Charlie was very accommodating, but the people had no mercy. Once Charlie stepped in a bucket of grease from the burgers and couldn’t change his shoes until he got off of work that night. Sad times had fallen upon Charlie.

In a final attempt to receive a more challenging career Charlie headed to the main staple that made his city (that held a lone tree in the middle called Charlie’s home) so popular, the hotel/casino industry. Charlie wasn’t going to be a dealer or anything, he was now working at the Frump World Health Center. It was okay starting out, until someone defecated in the hot tub. Charlie, being the low man on the totem pole, was forced to fish it out. Charlie fished out the squalor and quit, he wasn’t too smart. Later Charlie had his neighbor, Rita Raccoon, slap him in the back of the head for not quitting before he fished out the poo-poo.

At this point, Charlie went mad. He experienced many colorful hallucinations and many other forms of craziness. Charlie held his knees in the corner and rocked back and forth for three days straight. When Rita couldn’t see Charlie in the window she rigged a number of mirrors, pipes and pulleys to see where he was in the house. She broke in and slapped Charlie, she always knew what to do. She convinced Charlie to go get his typing job back because it was better than Tree Mart or Mc Doogals. Charlie was set.

Putting on his most vibrant tie and most firm collar he set off. Begging Mr. Tuna and Dr. Platypus for his job back they refused because he was only wearing a tie and collar. Charlie was exhibiting signs of mental instability, so he was sent to a home for crazy monkeys called the Wacky Monkey Home. After six months of rehabilitation from the acid flashbacks Charlie was having due to his drug use as a teenager, Charlie was released and he got his job back. Charlie woke up, went to work, typed, typed, typed, and went to sleep with a giant smile on his face all the time.