powerful poster, eh?

The latest SciFi Channel Original movie came out in full force. I have to admit, I was very excited going into it. Sure, that makes my review curved towards good already, but who cares? It's not like every other critic wouldn't be curved towards 'bad.' No, I'll give lots of credit to the movie, because it will need to start high if I don't want it to end up in the hole.

Mammoth tells the story of Frank Abbernathy, an absent-minded scientist from Louisiana who has been studying a frozen mammoth for years. One day, a little space shit crashes into the mammoth and an alien possesses the beast. Panic ensues, government becomes involved, lots of innocent people die, and we settle off with a heroic ending in which everyone lives (except the dead innocents) kind of happily ever after.

"That doesn't sound so good," you say. No? Let's get into credits. Mammoth is written and directed by Tim Cox, who did Larva, the story of a small town infected by genetic monsters in their meat supply. Cox steps apart with Mammoth because he takes his topic a little less seriously this time. He also doesn't bother to explain a lot of things, which makes writing a lot easier.

Star power includes Vincent Ventresca. In my fake celebrity family, Ventresca would be a cousin. From his days as the star of USA Network's Invisible Man, all the way up to his starring role in Larva, Ventresca has always come on screen with a unique take on somewhat cliche characters. Commonly, that take is the dry wit or a down-to-earth type. He does have to act for this role though. He's much more goofy than usual. Next on our list of stars is Tom Skerritt, of Picket Fences fame. He is Frank's live-in father who does most of the work in taking care of the oft-forgotten daughter.

Our ladies of the film are Summer Glau and Leila Arcieri. Glau is Jack, the daughter. She's always forgotten by her father because he's so busy studying the mammoth. Let's see... you want some work of hers? Well she was River in Serenity/Firefly, but no one watched that, so whatever. Arcieri has a funnier character as a secret government agent for the NSO. She is very by the book and straight-laced-- she would've been a shoe-in as a background character in Men in Black. The funny part is that she's presented very boxy and tight at first, but by the last 20 minutes, she's buxom and powerful, holding her gun out in front in her low-cut shirt for maximum cleavage. Sure, it's sad, but you only have 90 minutes-- you can't add character depth in there. That being said, it should be no shocker that she was in Wild Things 2.

If I were to list the conflicts, so you'd best recognize them upon viewing, it would be something like this: daughter vs. father, father vs. father, alien vs. earth, government vs. public, nature vs. science, scifi movie lovers vs. legitimate film lovers, and mammoth vs. nitrogen. Themes include respect thy mother and father, family over work, don't sneak out to a party in the woods, the kook is always right, and it never hurts to have run-down factories in a small town for monster traps.

Did you get all that? So Jack sneaks out to get some fun in with her friend Squirrelly because she was forgotten on her birthday. When a mammoth comes out of no where and starts killing people at the party she goes to, she walks away in a daze. Most ran, but she didn't. It's important that you understand that a mammoth is a herbivore. Even though they eat plants, this one kills people. It sucks the life force out of them or something. It's not explained. It kills people by accident with its giant tusks or by stomping them.

After they all settle down and figure out what's going on, with some random cornfield action, we split up. Most SciFi movies have the split up. The beast kills people while the good guys try to figure out what to do next. Some movies have tons of split-ups, but sometimes they're required. Sadly, Agent Powers actually comes out and asks if Frank is prepared to be a hero. No subtle character development there. Of course he does. That's only after a bunch of bull about an alien crash landing back in the 50's, a la Roswell. Are we tired of Roswell yet?

I missed a chunk, maybe the third quarter or so, but we'll jump right to the reunion. Frank has already made up with his daughter (because panic does that), Squirrelly got killed (thank GOD!), and Tom Skerritt has been redeemed as the kooky old man who was right about aliens all along. Now lets's throw together a plan! How about freezing the mammoth again, but this time we use nitrogen!

Nitrogen truck comes to the old factory, they trap the mammoth, the mammoth breaks the chamber and after a malfunction, Tom Skerritt has to manually turn on the nitrogen release or something. Nooo! Tom Skerritt, you'll freeze yourself in the process! And that's what heroes do, kids. And, in case you ever find yourself in a similar situation, you can't transfer nitrogen in a fire hose. But before Tom Skerritt freezes, he is possessed by the alien. And so, as long as Grampa Skerritt remains frozen, the alien will never be released. So while we save the planet, we lose Tom Skerritt. That's not a compromise I'm willing to make.

All in all, style aside, this movie is made for one simple, pure, insanely ridiculous line. Frank says to the sheriff, "Oh my God," and the sheriff goes-- seriously-- "God is for Sundays, Frank. Today we pray to Nike-- RUN!" So if you can smile and let yourself be warm because you can imagine writing that line and thinking it was awesome, then you can enjoy this particular movie. I know I did, and one day I hope to hear a line in a movie that I wrote and cringe at how lame it sounds out loud.

Bonus treat: Which picture doesn't belong in the IMDB Mammoth Photo Gallery?