Things have been slow around the website, and while my career has my creative neck in a vise-grip, I still try to find things to keep you all entertained. I found one.

During an episode of The Best Week Ever, a few best weeks ago, they mentioned a nifty little website called myheritage.com. The real point of the site is to upload pictures and try to find family members by facial recognition. The reason people go to the site is so they can compare faces with celebrities. Sweet! Right? Who do you think I look like? You think I'm a friendly Jon Favreau? Me neither? A slimmer Dan Schneider? Watch it. A white Sinbad? I hate you.

No-no, myheritage.com informed me, to my surprise, that I look like a celebrity that I wouldn't have imagined in a long time. Speaking to my generation, he's obscure, but he's a classic to anyone older than us. And the other two? Well, I'll let you judge, but my number one similarity was none other than Jim Rockford himself, James Garner. That's right, I'm a sexy old man. They did match me with a middle-aged Garner, if that helps. And it wasn't Jennifer Garner, so I guess that lends itself to some accuracy.

Throughout my childhood, I always enjoyed the wit of James Garner in The Rockford Files. I didn't watch the show, but my grandfather or mom did, so I was around while it was on. He was always getting into something... that Rockford.

(left to right) Garner, Cusack, and Starr

So who else do I look like? Glad you're so inquisitive. I also look like John Cusack. That makes perfect sense because women love John Cusack and they-- no-- wait-- that makes no sense at all. John Cusack, of course, being the man who can work his way into any woman's heart based on the films he does to get a paycheck, then he'll do a gem like Being John Malkovich or Max for the art.

Lastly, I'll give you Ringo Starr. Classy, huh? I am a joke, and rarely appreciated for actually showing up to practice, but at least I didn't look like Yoko.

So, of course, I had to try another picture. This time I scored Jack Kerouac, William Hurt, and Rock Hudson. Malcolm X was also in there. Basically, what I'm saying is that this face-recognition stuff can boost or bust your self-esteem. I suggest you try it out because we could all use a boost or some humbling. I have no regrets, and the one thing I can be comforted in is that I didn't look like a woman. There's a silver lining everywhere, people.