the over-explained picture

There's been a recent rash of people calling my name in public. I'd like to inform all of you that I am not a jerk. Is jerk too much? I never know lately. My ruffian ways have gotten the better of me, I suppose. Thug life ain't easy. I mean "isn't easy," excuse me. As for the subject at hand, I'd like to apologize to all those people that I've ignored in public. When people call my name, I rarely acknowledge them because they're drawing attention to me. Of course, when I ignore them, the plan backfires and they draw more attention to themselves.

It's a strange thing really. I can't explain why I feel ignoring someone who's obviously in need of my attention is better than acknowledging them. It's not that I hate them, as some people who stop by the site feel that I'm brimming with hate, but I just think that there could be more Petes than me. I'm not an advocate of other Petes, by the way. It's bad enough I can't be plain old Pete, but I can't even be Pete Phillips because there are so many of them. But again, I digress.

Tim Warnecke is a good kid. He's Charlie's brother. Guess what Charlie's last name is? It's Warnecke. You're getting better! Now, Tim often sees me around King's College, as he goes to school there and I work there. I like Tim, but I think I may have ignored him on at least one occasion. I did this because it's just what I do. If you acknowledge someone who shouts your name in a crowded room, then you're not just acknowledging them, you're encouraging them, and others, to keep doing this. I can't encourage that.

I don't want you to think that if you're in danger you can't call my name for help. I can sense urgency in a shout, so I'll know if you need me, unless you lack expression in your voice. I'll come to your aid or go get better help for you, I promise. However, if you just want to chat it up or say hello, I can't acknowledge your shout in a crowd. But why-- that's what you want to know, right?

When someone shouts my name, I look, often in the wrong direction. I do a complete circle around, and I even look up because I'm not that smart. If no one was looking at me for someone calling my name, now they are. Then, even if I do find you, you won't want to talk to me now because I'm that guy who looked up when he heard someone call his voice.

Also, the sad truth is that I have a poor ear for hearing my own name. I once went mad in Luksic because I thought someone was always calling my name. Turns out it was just the door creaking. See, Pete sounds like many things with the long E sound: meat, feet, heat, wheat, squeaky door hinges. I'm sure you can think of several on your own. In fact, I encourage it for a good activity. If, in a crowd, a man is selling hamburger, and he yells "Meat!" I may well turn around, because crowds can be loud, and he could've been calling "Pete!" I could have misheard him.

The last non-psychotic reason I ignore people shouting my name is because they could just as easily come and say hello in a normal voice. It's not like I'm fast. I'm crippled, people. You can catch up with me.

One psychotic reason why I don't answer shouters is because I'm practicing for celebrity later. If I get in the habit of looking at people shouting my name, then every magazine in the country will have a cover with me on it, and I'm already such a Photoshop advocate that I can't rightly get mad at them for doctoring photos. I have to mess up the photo before it's even taken.

Lastly, and most psychotically, is that when I started college I discovered that men would yell for no reason. They'd be eating dinner and yell "Wooooo!" They'd be playing videogames and yell "Wooooo!" They'd be peeing or showering and yell "Wooooo!" I couldn't take it. It made no sense to me. If the power of God overtook me, I could yell with faith. If I got stung by a bee, I could shout "Ouch!" If I had anything like that going for me-- something that came out of no where-- I would shout. Eating? Peeing? You're ruining the excitement. No one is that excited to urinate. I began to loathe these people, and that's why I have an aversion to shouting altogether.

As an early apology, or perhaps an already deserved apology, I would like to say "I'm sorry." That goes out to all those who have shouted my name and I have ignored. And any of you who see me and are star-struck and you forget this memo, we'll let it go, once. Until then, you all take care, and keep on being you, because I like it. And even if I don't like you, I still need people to not like, so keep it up.