Geico Cavemen Turn 65; Officially "Old"
By: Pete Phillips
March 20, 2007

If I could, I would rub Geico's nose in it.

We all get the joke by now, right? Geico's so easy a caveman can do it. Then the caveman's upset because Geico's making him look stupid. Ha-ha, har-har. Next commercial.

But the next commercial had more cavemen. And this continued on. Do you know how long it's been going on? Two years and about six months this summer. Two and a half years of these hair-faced Neanderthals making the same joke over and over again. And they say Barbaro was a tragedy? Geico's been beating this horse for much longer than any horse should be beaten (the exact limit being seventeen seconds). And really, only flying horses should be beaten, because that's just not natural.

Geico cavemen have just not been funny for two whole years. The fake drama and empty frustration have done nothing for me. The therapy visits and fancy dinners have made no impact on their bitter resentment towards Geico. For God's sake, they're not even real, but if they were real I think they'd be getting attacked all over the country. If you think about it, Geico took this stereotype that cavemen were stupid and just broadened it. Now cavemen are stupid, spiteful grudge-holders that just can't let a simple apology dinner end a ridiculous feud.

Each time I see a new Geico commercial, I think that it should and will be the end. "Wow, that one was just stupid," I say to no one, "That must be the last one. They can't do this anymore." Sure enough, they have another commercial a couple months later. And why is Geico so obsessed with simultaneous marketing anyway? Why do they have Burt Bacharach AND cavemen AND geckos at the same time? Pick a gimmick and go with it, guys.

I found that the caveman wave had not died down just yet. According to Slate.com, a magazine of the Washington Post, the Geico cavemen may get their very own sitcom on ABC.

Normally I'd support a topic more before starting a new paragraph, but that last one had so much mind-blowing content that I felt it would be dangerous to give you anymore information with it. Let's break it down like Ad Rock: 1) They have done 20-second spots over the past 2.5 years, which, combined, probably don't equal a half-hour comedy. 2) They're actually pretty unbearable to look at, if you ask me. 3) They're not funny, but their comedy approach does fit at ABC, where you get punched in the face with jokes that are so easy you laugh for the wrong reasons. 4) The freakin' lizard has been going on longer and he has no show. 5) It's time to let this beat... drop, not keep it going, much less amp it up to a series. ¹

I'm actually at a loss for words when it comes to these commercials. I know you could have a commercial where something is flat out hilarious and it wouldn't translate into a TV show. Look at Joel McHale. He was a sarcastic witty co-worker for Burger King, then he took that razor-sharp tongue and hosted The Soup. That worked, because he didn't pretend he worked in an office and look like he was trying so hard for an easy joke. If they made a show out of THE Burger King with the plastic face, then that would be pathetic. If they thought they could make a show out of the King, they would've pitched it, not made commercials out of it.

They did make a video game based on the King, which you could only get at Burger King (of all places). This is perfectly acceptable. Go to generalmills.com and you'll find some Lucky Charms games. That Trix rabbit is probably stealing Trix somewhere online. These are all great ways to extend your brand into the minds of your consumers by way of filling their boredom-time with voluntary participation in branding. It's like an interactive commercial, really.

You won't see Lucky getting his own TV show, because no one likes Irish people that much. Even the Black Donelleys ² don't have accents. I'll take this chance to wield my powerful sword of influence and tell all of the Geico executives that visit my website to drop these commercials. You can't sell car insurance to six-year-olds, but your target demographic for these commercials is just that. If an adult is still laughing at this gag, while a caveman on a cell phone calls his lawyer in an airport to report a billboard, he/she may well be in a hospital for the disturbed already. If they're not committed, that's just because we don't have enough room. Tons of crazy people are out there walking around labeled "sane." Every woman I'm attracted to is one of them. Hell, I'm probably one of them.

Cavemen evolved, so the story goes. I think it may be time your sense of humor evolves, Geico. Move on.

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¹ Why do people keep making series that are bound for failure. Sometimes things don't work out for a lack of audience or poor marketing, but knowing full well that your show won't last past six episodes and proceeding with it is just a waste of money.

² This show sucks purely because it bullied out Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip for the time slot.