Birthday Blizzard of '07
By: Pete Phillips
March 20, 2007

the leftovers of the blizzard

This year, for my birthday, Greg wins best gift. We won't go into details and who got what for whatever, but it was a fine time for all. Oh, except most of Northeastern PA hated my birthday weekend. Greg's gift(s) were really quite awesome and I look forward to enjoying each of them when I find the perfect time and motivation to do so. There was a close second in gifts this season. Tim Warnecke felt that a fantastic gift for my would be wet, white, and troublesome.

The Pete Phillips Birthday Blizzard of '07 started Thursday night. It was a hell of a storm, chalking up 10 inches of snow in only 12 hours or so. It kept falling and falling outside, causing trouble across the region. Reporters on WBRE credited every disaster to the snow. Whether it was a house fire, car accident, child abduction, or triple-homicide, it was all because of the snow. Snow-snow-snow. Young Jeezy was chillin' up in Wilkes-Barre and getting his nose stuffed to no end. Even he fell over and got covered by snow.

The hours went on and people were scared to leave their homes. Luckily this storm wasn't full of fear and Cube movies, like the last blizzard. I was with visitors from NJ, and they didn't come this far to see nothing! We braved the elements and the roads to see The World's Largest General Store, which was made worth it this time by me finding a cow bench. After that, it was a short back door approach to the Wilkes-Barre something 14 or whatever it's called. We saw Preminition, which was a little bit more blindingly distracting than the blizzard.

Soon we came back to the home base here in Provincial Tower. It was a Lenten Friday and we were hungry. After I discovered that there actually is beef in meat flavored sauce, I had to come up with a dinner plan that would work. Knowing that Charlie Warnecke could always depend on Dominos for his sexy parties, I figured they'd be fine for blizzard travel too. The guy on the phone assured me that his time extimate would be vague: "We'll get there when we get there." I couldn't blame them at all. That was at around 6:00 PM. At 7:00 PM, the fire alarm went off in my building. This was the second time in two weeks this happened.

We went off to the hallway, where an old woman stood, in her nightgown (7:00 PM) with her hands over her ears. She stood right next to the fire alarm bell. I marvelled at her stupidity. You'd think that after being alive for 60 years or so, you'd be able to realize where you shouldn't stand to preserve your already deteriorated hearing. The first time I was concerned for her, this time, not at all. I went around her and out to the front door. I wated on the inside, for if there were a real fire I could get out, but what are the chances of that? It was lucky for everyone that I was at the front door. I don't mean to say that my building is full of stupid people, but you can ask any guest that has been here, if you stand on the other side of a door and cannot get in, no one will understand your problem. This was the problem for firemen. I let them in since the door was locked.

When things were all cleared up, I got a call from the pizza man. He was outside, but concerned with the fact that there were fire engines in front of my building. I assured him it was okay and that I'd meet him down the street. I trudged through the snow and found him with my pizza. I tipped him $8 and dismissed his small talk. Then came re-entry.

I walked back into a building full of old people that were stuck indoors because of a blizzard. In my hands I held a tasty Dominos pizza, with cinesticks. You know when they have the fish-eye lense in movies, to exaggerate people when they pinch kids' cheeks or something? Well it was a lot like that when old people joked, "Did you bring us food?" I walked through the people with great caution and held the pizza like it was a newborn. Once through the crowd, I got to the stairs, where no one was walking up. Twelve floors of people were all waiting in a lobby for two elevators. I realized this was because we had to give the keys to the stairs back. I don't always follow directions though. This time, things paid off in that department.

Thank goodness for that too. After we ate pizza and watched more snow, things seemed on the up and up. The next morning my car was covered in snow and the family was heading back to NJ. No, there were no snow shovels to help me dig up the snow, but the roads were clear for travel. Ultimately, Tim Warnecke may well win worst birthday gift with a whole blizzard. It reduced the level of fun and provided hours of complications for everyone. I blame Tim, solely.