click to pause, double click to play this is the shorter clip too-- sorry!

Oh sure, you've seen it. We've all seen it. We all had the same reaction when we did see it too: "Oh my-- what the hell?" I'm talking about those Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch commercials, dubbed "Fantasy Ranch" by the director, David LaChapelle (not to be confused with Dave Chappelle).

The first disturbance our mind registers is the presence of Darius Rucker. We can be comforted in the fact that the song wasn't a new smash hit. It was adapted from "Big Rock Candy Mountain," an apparently traditional bluegrass song. That can save some of your respect for Rucker. However, I can only say that his dress for the commercial, a blazingly bright cowboy costume. This is odd because he's not very western, in my opinion. It also makes him look like the long, lost brother of Cowboy Curtis from Pee Wee's Playhouse (we all forgive you Laurence Fishburne-- but it did take a chess-playing boy genius and a whole false reality, among other things).

As the commercial plays out, in a Wizard of Oz sex farm fashion, Rucker tells you of all the lovely things that happen at the Fantasy Ranch. We get quick shots of women full of legs and hair. At the mention of "nice caboose" in Rucker's song, we get a shot of a woman's caboose sporting the word "Vida." This was markedly nice of Lachapelle in that he let Vida Guerra, the most famous ass on the internet since J-Lo, have her own mini-commercial for herself in the commercial. Someone has speculated that the buxom blonde in the beginning may be porn queen Jenna Jameson too, but that would make the commercial trashy, right?

As we finish off the cheddar-filled commercial we finish with our new favorite plastic-suited personality, The King, who pushes model/TV host Brooke Burke on a magical suspending swing as she poses with the product, which does actually get seen here and there, whether in the hands of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders or male-model cowboys. Regardless-- you would need more denial than OJ Simpson to forget this commercial.

Some advertising professionals are pining for the old Office spots with the sharp wit of The Soup host Joel McHale, who was seemingly nothing before Burger King. I agree that those were tremendous ads. The Fantasy Ranch ad is totally different, but I will venture to say that it is surely not bad. Part of me succumbs to the advertising methods that undoubtedly get everyone in the end: bright colors, catchy music, and curvy women (or chiseled men if you're into men).

And to those who worry about Darius Rucker's street cred, I only throw out the idea that his cred left a long time ago, right around the same time "I Only Wanna Be With You" topped the charts. Dan Marino couldn't even save Rucker and the gang from an eventual downfall. Then, Rucker came back with his own solo record that literally knocked the music industry for a loop and turned the world upside down. In case you haven't noticed the lush sarcasm-- get over it. Rucker made his choice, and now he's in the same class as Buddy from Charles in Charge. God bless that Buddy.