Chew on This, Sucka!
By: Pete Phillips
February 7, 2003
6:19 PM

Miss Gross' (and thereby my) gum of choice.

At 4:12 PM I took part in a life-changing, then life-changing-back experience: I chewed gum for the first time in more than three years. Though no one, including myself, is sure why I have avoided the chewy menace, I haven't chewed gum for quite a long time. Ever since a groundbreaking dentist visit that changed my brushing forever gum, lifesavers, pez, and skittles have all been off-limits. While it took little time for me to get back on the lifesaver wagon, gum and skittles have been avoided at all costs. The skittles plight is the worst because skittles used to be the very favorite candy of mine. 

After starting an all out chew-attack on the stick of gum, I decided that gum is cool again. As I chewed, I felt professional and important, though I knew I was not. This delusion of importance made me feel like a brand new man for about a half-hour, which I found to be surprising. I remember the gum-chewing days of yore, and I don't remember such a long-lasting taste, so obviously someone's been working on that, but the chewiness did go away and it became more of a painful chew.

So at about 4:30 PM I decided that gum was not fun because it gave me headaches after chewing, and my dental work could be in trouble. I felt slight pain towards the back right side of my mouth and I knew it was not good. Still, I could make tiny bubbles with the gum and I thought that this ability far exceeded the importance of maintaining functional dental work. Therefore, I continued to chew until 4:49 PM. My flavor and bubbles had fizzled away into nothingness and I found myself without joy in the gum-based favor-craze. Thus the joy had ended and my foray with gum had come to yet another end... for now.

PS- Thanks to Katie Gross for exposing me to this new feeling by giving me a half-stick of the pictured gum.