Superstar quarterback, Rick Mirer

Thank goodness the Seahawks won the Super Bowl. Pennsylvania's a lame state, and they already got too much attention this month with Groundhog Day. If they were the Pittsburgh Groundhogs, I'd be down with a Super Bowl win. "Fight Groundhogs, fight! Scare that shadow into the end zone!" "The Groundhogs have seen their shadow-- that means six more yards of PAIN!" "Go Groundhog defense-- dig it in!" Alas, leave it to PA to go with Steelers. An industry that made lots of money and took lots of people out with it. We should have a Wilkes-Barre Coal Miners.

After all, Pennsylvania is the home of Scranton, and the Scrantonians are actually upset at being represented in ABC's The Office. How insanely stupid is that? One of the most intellectually stimulating comedies on television and Scranton's upset about it? I guess if it's not My Name is Earl, it just doesn't represent well? Who knows? All I have to say on that is "Stop it!" If the producers knew Scranton would be so ungrateful, then I'm sure they would've made an effort to not put Scranton Times issues on the desk or talk about real local restaurants when they go out.

But I digress-- back to the Seahawks victory. Those are some snazzy colors they got, huh? Seattle has always been pretty good all around with colors. The Mariners are pretty slick too. Ken Griffey, Jr., wears a Mariners cap like nobody else-- and what a home run hero. He's almost as good as Seahawks star quarterback Rick Mirer, who I've always enjoyed. His last name is Mirer (MY-rur), but when you work that "e" you get to say Mirer (MY-rear). How great is that?

I don't know who else the Seahawks have on the team besides Mirer. He's got quite an arm too. The Mariners have Randy Johnson though. The Big Unit, as they say. What an arm on that guy. He's bound to get those pitches under control and be famous one day. The Steelers have a good running game though. I have to concede on that. Jerome Bettis is one heck of a guy. And his name is very easy to remember for some reason.

What if the Mariners played the Pirates in the World Series too? That would be somethin'. Honus Wagner's got one hell of a bat though. I don't think the Mariners would have a chance-- as much as I support their colors. Remember Rusted Root? They were from Pittsburgh. They should play on the Pirates. If they can bang home runs like they can bang drums, that's a winning team. They could totally kick Nirvana's ass on the field. Cobain in center field-- he'd be dead in the water (is that too much?).

Well hey-- enough of the hypotheticals, right? The important thing is that the Seahawks won, and I didn't even know they were playing until a few days before. I really wish I tuned into the game to see their mighty victory, but Family Guy reruns were just too good. If Fox isn't running your Super Bowl, it's just a waste anyway, right? I can't imagine anyone else filling all those timeouts and all that formation time with good visuals.

My hat is off to you, Seattle. Enjoy this day and welcome your heroes home. The spoils of Super Bowl war are never sweet, and rarely can one side be a winner. One just goes home with fewer casualties when you get down to it. Just remember that the Super Bowl can be hard, and these men will need your support when they return. Get your grants and loans together, because when the knees give out and the arms don't bend anymore, these men will need to go to college for some skills. I'm just thinking ahead for you, Seattle.

Wow. That story was all over the place. Am I on drugs or something?