The Hollow (2004)
By: Pete Phillips
February 3, 2007

The Hollow is about a descendent of Ichabod Crane ignorantly coming to the town of Sleepy Hollow and incurring the fate of his great-great-great-great-great grandfather. Give or take a great. I thought, "Bah, this should be left to its own, like Cheerleader Autopsy." Then I saw the name Nick Carter.

Nick Carter plays a slightly abusive football player who's the town tough guy. I'm not sure if he believes the legend, but he would rather it be presented in a much scarier way than just re-telling the story. I bet he'll get a suit and horse-- maybe start up the events again? We'll have to see. I mean, he does threaten two of his friends in a graveyard, implying that the loss of their lives would mean that the legend was real.

In researching the film, I was glad to see it was nominated for two awards (though sadly, did not win either). The Cinema Audio Society and Motion Picture Sound Editors both recognized the excellent audio in this TV movie. For what channel, I wonder. Who cares-- it found its home here on SciFi.

WAIT-- the first kill doesn't even have a horse?! This is bullshit. Wait-wait. Stacy Keach plays a crazy groundskeeper! So far, we're split even on the pros and cons. Upcoming Horror Movies says this was rumored to premiere on ABC Family. It's a little much for that channel, but sometimes they do get gutsy. Those Scooby Doo live-action movies were pretty breast-astic. As Ian (the descendant) is making the movies on Karen (Nick Carter's girlfriend), the groundskeeper comes by and she goes home with Nick Carter.

Turns out alcoholic groundskeeper Stacy Keach has to fill ol' Ian in on his ancestry. I'm proud of Keach, this is a real departure from his usually straight-laced small roles. There's a surprise on the way too, but I can't tell you yet. It takes us into the pros-ahead-of-cons area. It's huge.

Karen, the lady interest, is played by Kaley Cuoco, who's done some pretty popular things, including guest-hosting The View. She voiced some lil' hoes on Bratz. The hot chicks of Charmed had her for a number of episodes and she also had a guest role on The Savages, which starred our favorite, Vincent Vantresca.

Ian's in a graveyard, locked in. I have no idea what it's all about. Then, on a horse, comes a headless figure with a pumpkin head! Ahhh! It's Nick Carter. He threatens Ian, but Ian wins the verbal argument. Amidst cliche crap-rock, Ian embarks on a journey home, down through the hollow. He made it home fine.

HERE IT IS-- sweet holy hell-- IAN'S DAD IS JUDGE REINHOLD! Judge Reinhold wants Ian to be on some team. Maybe football? But Nick Carter's the town quarterback. How strange. For being enemies, Ian and Nick Carter get along pretty well. And Remember NYPD Blue? Well Nick Turturro plays the town sheriff (here at PPO, we prefer older brother, John). His Queens accent doesn't seem to fit in well and his job for the day is finding kids playing hookie from school. Fascinating town.

Nick Carter has a song on the soundtrack too.

The director of this movie, Kyle Newman, is from Morristown, NJ. How about that? He didn't write the story, and the concept would be an easy sell. The writer, Hans Rodionoff, also gave us The Skulls II and Man-Thing. Eh. Directors really do things with his movies. The movie-- that's right-- what's happening? Judge Reinhold and Ian have some family conflicts because Ian wants to fence instead of play football.

Karen is all about Ian, so Nick Carter is pissed. I think, judging from the Carter reality show, that Nick isn't acting. He seems like a tool in real life too. Again, I've never met him, but I'm going based on TV and that seems fair. Anyway, Nick Carter plays the Headless Horseman in the school's annual halloween hayride. And since Scott (the first kill) went missing, Ian is filling in as Ichabod Crane. The hayride goes on for quite a while. It's not even dark when they start, but it is when Nick Carter comes out and scares the crap out of the kids. Nobody likes him.

They have a second tour go out, but two kids missed it. And you know slutty chicks, they can make guys do anything. So the "nurse" gets the "doctor" to go into the graveyard. I believe she asked that he show her why they call it a "boneyard." Greeeat.

In the meantime, the Sheriff carts the groundskeeper away. They don't make it too far before they run across a headless horseman. Sheriff gets out and then gets beheaded. Back to the medical couple, who are going at it by now. The doctor gets beheaded while he's trying to keep his woman happy, if you catch my drift. It was all her fault from the get-go. She gets beheaded too, but we don't care by then because the whole hayride gang is in trouble now. Enter Nick Carter.

Wow. There are 45 minutes left of this? Their pacing seems a little off here.

The movie's dragging a little, but Stacy Keach, Nick Carter, and Judge Reinhold are all still alive. Ian and Karen are running for their lives. Karen's being the most annoying horror cliche of wussy and tired, but unwilling to run to safety. When she finally runs, she enters the headless horseman's lair of candle-holding heads. Ian's hiding from the horseman and Stacy Keach cut or stabbed or did something to the horseman. Stacy can't make it much longer, if you ask me. I'm surprised he made it this far.

They run to the bridge, but it doesn't work because they broke a fence or something. Now the headless horseman's going after Ian's dad-- yes, THAT Ian's dad-- JUDGE REINHOLD! Noooooo! Of course, he's a football dad, so we don't much like him. But still, he's Judge Reinhold! Ian comes home to save his family, but it's almost too late. A shattered glass door and a choked Judge Reinhold later, Ian and his dad venture out to kill the horseman. Ian tried to talk logic and challenge with the horseman. It's weird, but it works.

Then comes the showdown. Lucky for us, Ian's been doing all that fencing instead of football. Stacy Keach cheers from the sidelines and helps Ian push the horseman onto the bridge (if you remember the legend), where he burns up in a blaze of glory. Curiously, the wooden bridge is unharmed. Nick Carter, Judge Reinhold, and Stacy Keach are all alive for the ending. It's sweet and all, but... well... we wanted Nick Carter dead. Ian gets the girl too.

Oh, but in the last few seconds, we think the horseman might still be alive. Ya know, your traditional end to a horror movie. Leave 'em scared and all. It doesn't seem that this movie was too bad. It was a fine one to cover for me, with plenty of unexpected surprises. I'd watch it again with a few people. It's fun to pick on, like most timeless horror flicks.