the devil lives in my heater.

King's College's newspaper, the Crown, recently reported some terrible news for your happy webmaster. While I don't think there is much that you or yours can do about the situation, I don't think there's generally anything you can do about most of the things I complain about. The news was that the biggest fire trap at King's College, Luksic Hall, will be an all-male dorm next year. This news is none too pretty and has come about in a recent rash of new Luksic developments. The future looks grim and I don't know where I'll place my head next year.

Luksic's new developments are traditional, but mostly downright awful. As you can see from the picture, Satan has taken over our heating system and I think we all know that he likes things on the toasty side. Our heaters, which have never been very easy to control, are now taking on their own lives. This, just in time for the Great Sweep of 2004, marking the time when King's College screwed those who pay room and board by clipping the enticing benefit of cleaning services in each room. Now, a small pile of garbage bags, a vacuum cleaner, a bucket, and a sign that says "screw you stupid damn kids-- we already got your money for this service," is all that is left in the place of a relationship between cleaning lady and cleaning client. Still, my room is not so lucky, for it seems that the heat only raises at night to dry out my sinuses and cause me discomfort so distressing that I can't breathe and have to wake up. During the day, heat is no where to be found. The heat is a complaint that I have stronger than any other, but it's one that I could live with-- but not anymore with this all-male dorm idea...

True, I am not female, so the reality is that I could make my home for another year in Luksic, but do I really want to live in Holy Cross again? I think not. Reasons are innumerable, but I'll focus on a few with the following illustration. Only days ago a new person moved into the Luksic Hall first floor "community." Our "community" has been successful thus far. We don't bother each other, and when we do it's remedied much faster than anyone can realize. With the advent of this Newbie (because I don't know his name), we have seen a shift in the "community" in less than one week. At one time our floor was quiet. If anyone caused any noise, they would be smart and respectful enough to close their door as to allow the basic human tenants of dignity and respect to neighbors. That respect died with Newbie. Newbie decided that blasting music must be had. Not only blasting music, but blasting emo music. And not only blasting emo music, but blasting emo music crap. Why? Apparently he thinks he has problems. Oh sir, you do. It's called Holy Cross Hall-ism. You've adopted several characteristics that make you perfect to live among people that have no respect for human beings around them. Your selfishness has reached a level that no one in psychology or human studies thought it could. Congratulations, and die.

In the list of depleting factors that have killed respect and humanity in Luksic Hall is growing too. Just today I found a USA Today on our bathroom floor-- unheard of before Mr. Newbie decided to change Luksic into Asshole Hall. Yes, this marks my first FCC vocabulary violation on the website. Insert streamers. Now in Holy Cross this isn't uncommon, selfishness allows you to believe that people will pick up after you and that in a communal bathroom you have your very own stall. This, as anyone who lives in reality knows, is not true. In reality we all realize that communal comes from the root community, in which people share. This is simply not occurring anymore. Mr. Newbie, as well as many converts that could come from Holy Cross. For this reason, ladies and gents, I must be on my way. I hated the neighborhood in Holy Cross, and I'm not looking for the bad element to move back in.

It's at this junction I feel like the kindly black man in those types of movies where the older people try to take back the neighborhood from the thugs and drug dealers. Okay, there's just one of those movies, and I forget the name, but it exists. I'm a keep-to-myself citizen who's trying to take my hallway back from an arrogant, rude, disrespectful, painfully un-human novice. I may be alone in this battle, but I cannot be sure. Will I have allies? Can there be hope? Will good defeat evil? Can respect overrule ignorance? Will my fish die because of the bass shaking his water? We may never know, but hopefully I can track down some answers to these questions and more (like Mr. Newbie Asshole's name). When this s--t hits the fan, we'll all be affected, so join me-- let's defeat evil and preserve good-- oh wait, The Matrix just ended. Well I'm outta here-- bye. But really... this kid deserves some physical pain.