Alexa
"Skinner" Beretski on the Loose!
By: Pete Phillips
January 31, 2003
6:35 PM
 |
| An
alleged "bad" picture of Alexa
"Skinner" Beretski |
On
Thursday, January 30, 2003, Alexa Beretski took part in the
skinning of a cat "in the name of science." Miss
Beretski's efforts were not without consequence though, she
got a blister on her finger from cutting with some bad
scissors. Though it hasn't been discovered if Beretski did all
of the cutting on her own, one would find a dead cat safer in
her hands than any other.
Beretski,
a King's College sophomore and Dallas EMT, spends most of her
time around big dead animals at her job as a waitress for a
national steakhouse chain. Still, the presence of a kitty on
her "serving tray" was not something that she was
glad to see. While pursuing her masters in Physicians
Assistant Studies at King's College, she will encounter many
more dead animals.
Even
though she makes her home in a town called Trucksville,
Beretski doesn't feel that the animal studies will come in
handy. "It was gross," Beretski said of the
experience as she ate a tossed salad only hours after
"bagging" the kitty up in its original fur. "We
have to wrap it up so we can come back later."
The
cat, in pieces, still remains nameless as Beretski seeks out
the perfect nom de cat. Such rejected names have been John
Jacob, Charlie, Mittens, Sprinkles, and the always popular
Rhino-puss. Still on the eligible list is Calvin. The name,
suggested by Pete Phillips, was inspired not by the rascally
comic about a boy and his enormous tiger, but by Calvin R.
Braxton, who recently released the new CD No More Damn
Taxes by using his very own burner, printer, and CD
label-maker.
Beretski
will continue her work on the kitty before she makes her way
to the sheep head. Lucky for this writer, I'll get each
gruesome detail every Thursday over a lunch that has enough
power to make me throw up without any additional description.
